“I planted a plant in the midst of spies, who were disguised as farmers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The most dangerous flower is one that grows on a grave. Everybody in its vicinity is dead. That’s why I hand-picked it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love smells like a flower in bloom. A flower that's sitting on a pile of steaming feces.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m thinking about becoming a farmer and a fisherman—a hunter of swimming plants.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you strip away my flowery language, you’ll figure out I’m really talking about bees.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think a funny picture would have a caption that read, “Believe in yourself,” with an accompanying image of a wilting flower.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A flower blooms in my heart. You may call that love, but I call it water conservation.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Flowers and fear are a lot alike. For one, flowers and fear have a distinct smell, and two, I’m currently trying to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In Bougainville, the only flower that grows is the Bougainvillea. In Gainesville, the only thing that ever gets lost are gains. In… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me F*** you. Then Ill go back to that person and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is there anything more pathetic than a flower that doesn’t get enough sunlight and dies, because it couldn’t get out of bed… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
