I've been divorced twice, at 33, at least I'm a successful failure! — Desmond Fouche Copy Share Image
Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. — Mignon McLaughlin Copy Share Image
A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions. — Melchor Lim Copy Share Image
My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice. — Adam Ferrara Copy Share Image
Marriage - as its veterans know well - is the continuous process of getting used to things you hadn't expected. — Thomas Mullen Copy Share Image
I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff. — Wendy Liebman Copy Share Image
When a married man talks in his sleep, it's because he finally has the opportunity to say something without the wife interrupting… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ...? I wonder what I was blushing about? — Gracie Allen Copy Share Image
Every man sees his second mother in his wife but every woman sees her first child in her husband. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Marriage is like retiring as a bachelor and getting a sexual pension. You don't have to work for the sex any more,… — Aristotle Copy Share Image
People say there is no difference between complete & finish. When you marry the right one, you are complete, and when you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to… — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our… — Robert Browning Copy Share Image
Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and… — Henry B. Eyring Copy Share Image
My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If we (Lauren and Jim) ever get married, we're just going to put helmets on, run into each other from a hundred… — Jim Carrey Copy Share Image
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing,… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I always said if I ever get married, I would tell my woman - I love Michael Jordan, I am a Michael… — Aries Spears Copy Share Image
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. She got out of bed… — Harriet Morgan Copy Share Image
When we first got married, we made a pact. It was this: In our life together, it was decided I would make… — Albert Einstein Copy Share Image
I have a lot of friends who are getting married. I try to avoid talking to them about their sex lives now… — Ted Alexandro Copy Share Image
I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and… — Maria Bamford Copy Share Image
Professional marriage counselors agree that the most productive and mature way to deal with marital anger is to stomp dramatically from the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I believe it was Shakespeare, or possibly Howard Cosell, who first observed that marriage is very much like a birthday candle, in… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
