Mom: YOU'RE GROUNDED. Me: Psh. Fine I don't care. Mom: Give me your phone then. Me: OMG IM SO SORRY MOM I… — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
If Shes A Keeper. . . . .Then KEEP Her ! If She's A Freak. . . . .Then FREAK Her. .… — Jason Santana Copy Share Image
Never lend a book to someone who don't know how to read, never give your heart to someone that don't know how… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When I drive if you beep your horn 1 second after the light changes green I will shut off my car, lay… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Everyone has that make the other person sound incredibly stupid voice when describing an argument. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Dora, how in the hell did do you get that tiny shirt to fit over your big head...Sincerely, thats physically impossible! — Lillaay Copy Share Image
LOVE, A situation which happens when you think almost as much of another as you do of yourself; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My parents told me 'You watch too much TV and should try reading more!' So I turned on the subtitles. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Seeing a cute couple end their relationship is like watching the ending of every Nicholas Spark movie. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Earlier I received a phone call from a PPI Telemarketer. So I told my 3 year old son that Santa Claus was… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you can't be the reason behind her smile, at least be the reason she walks funny for a while! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Facebook event invites from people you barely know should really have a 'seriously?' option in the reply. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Miami Heat playing the San Antonio Spurs is the only way I could ever root for anything from Texas. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love how face book shows when a message is seen now ain't no one gonna lie about it. Guilty as Charge — Solene Gemtessa Copy Share Image
Your the type of person who walks up while I'm cutting grass and ask what I'm doing? Bitch I'm cutting grass ... — Lonniedagreat Copy Share Image
I'm really sorry I offended you when I called you a slut. I honestly had no idea you it was a secret. — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's not a day that don't go by that I don't thank God for waking me up to enjoy life and appreciate… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Our deepest sympathies to Aaron Hernandez's fellow prison inmates on not getting someone as pretty as Tom Brady. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A man post a status onto his wall, ''tonight I'm gonna sleep in terrace'' 55 mosquitos likes — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe: Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you're wrong and you shut up, you're wise. If you're right and you shut up, you're married. — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
This ho says boy I got high heels bigger than your dick, sikee reply bitch I got sneakers fresher than your Pussy... — Kevin Mccarty Copy Share Image
It's kinda funny how in 2010 and 2011 people were freaking out about 2012. Now it's four months away from December and… — Will Ferrell Copy Share Image
The first person who decided to say a word instead of throwing a rock can be considered the starter of civilization — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I'll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girl's Life Lesson 1: Crying confuses men. They get uncomfortable and will do anything to get it to stop. Take advantage. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When you're home alone and you hear a strange noise & you're just like - _ - WTF! WHO'S THERE?! — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
If Facebook ever shuts down. You'll see people roaming the streets shoving pictures in others faces screaming 'Do you like this!?!?!.. DO… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Facts are meaningless - you could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If the world was run by women, it would be mostly peaceful with heated arguments every 28 days. — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
I want to go on a shopping trip where I am the only one in the shopping mall and everything I want… — Mee Copy Share Image
He'll never be better than he is on the first date. Unless he's rich and hasn't told you yet. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Calories are just little tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you mess up a guy's hair, he thinks it's cute. But when you mess up a GIRL'S hair... I hope you… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Blonde and Brunette r walking on the road.brunette says Look, a dead bird. Blonde looks up in the sky, WHERE, WHERE? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
