Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 48

School is like a boner. It's long and hard, unless you're Asian.

— Anonymous

Playing a music bring you into another life; I mean your heartbeat

— Anonymous

A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.

— Nikhil Saluja

The sweetest sounds to mortals given are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven.

— William Goldsmith Brown

Wonders how many people can go a whole week without going on Facebook?

— Becca

If pain is pleasure, ima make you shed tears.

— Syoung

A girl will warm your heart. The woman will warm your parts.

— Nikhil Saluja

One good thing about Friday is that it's not Monday.

— Matt Pangilinan

Not to brag but its women who always say 'SORRY' to me Like this women in bar last night said: SORRY Asshole,…

— Nikhil Saluja

I was watching Gene Simmons' TV show, Family Jewels. Or as it's known in the business, 'The Osbournes' Without the Talented Father.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOL girls are DUMB. if you cheated on your boyfriend.. you basically became a downgrade. and don't expect to find someone better.…

— Armin Ferizovic

Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Foursquare asks where I am. The internet has turned into a…

— Anonymous

Don't Take It Seriously * When the HUNTER says, Goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots

— Nikhil Saluja

You think Halloween comes only once a year? wrong. Walk into Walmart at 3 in the morning. That's some scary sketchy shit.

— Mitchell Perry

When someone says expect the unexpected, slap them and say I bet you didn't expect that!

— Anonymous

If you listen closely you can hear the gas pump tell your kid's college fund to go fuck itself.

— Anonymous

Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas is... your list with names of naughty girls.

— Anonymous

What was the first tweet of twitter? Probably about assholes coming soon.

— Nikhil Saluja

Naptime at 5 years old: I DONT WANNA!!! Naptime now: Praise the Lord!

— Anonymous

I wonder how people would react if I walked into Sea World with a fishing pole.

— Anonymous

People get so weird when you put your fingers in their nose.

— Nikhil Saluja

I last longer than Obamacare call center wait times.

— Anonymous

I think I'm starting to like NASCAR…just kidding.

— Anonymous

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.

— Green Monk

I have to get up pretty early in the morning to steal newspapers.

— Nikhil Saluja

With so many girls using filter, I'm assuming true beauty is hard to find nowadays

— Emanuel Sebastiao

True love is just like rain; it touches us all.

— Nikhil Saluja

And a real girlfriend would save him from bitches

— Anonymous

Rumours? Well at least you're spreading something else besides your legs.

— Nikhil Saluja

My mother never understood the irony in calling me a "son-of-a-bitch."

— Anonymous

The first status on Facebook in 2013: 'Is anyone alive?'

— Anonymous

Ya'll Males Need To Stop Cryin About Fee's On Here.

— Anonymous

She: How do u feel about women's rights? Me: Idk.. I like either side..

— SouL

My First FACEBOOK STATUS in 2013 will be . IS ANYONE ALIVE ???

— Tanya Bianco

INFATUATION, A wasting disease easily cured -- by marriage

— Nikhil Saluja

Nurse: A woman that wakes you up in the middle of the night to give you sleeping pills.

— Nikhil Saluja

Everyone should agree that the library is kinda the best place to talk with friends..

— Kand3n

When we go in this Store, Don't ask for SHIT, don't look at SHIT & don't touch SHIT!

— Deon Crockett

LOVE, A sea of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses;

— Nikhil Saluja

M noT laZy, M higHlY motIvatEd noT tO dO anYthNG!! :)

— Anonymous