Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 46

Your ass is like a wallet without cash, jeans without pockets... flat and useless.

— Anonymous

You actually have friends? 'Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.'

— Anonymous

Those girls who think every guy wants them… NO.

— Nikhil Saluja

Love is blind is bulshit, she knows whhe the mazda car and bajaj

— Anonymous

That painful moment when the roof of your mouth gets stabbed by a Dorito.

— Itsme867

If you can't change the woman, CHANGE THE WOMAN!

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't be alarmed if I call you a whore d'oeuvre...it just means you look tasty hoe!

— Nicole Hill

Fact of life...After Monday & Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F !!

— Anonymous

The awkward moment when you and your friend s are playing hide and go seek so you go and hide and the…

— Anonymous

That awkward moment, where theres an awkward moment, and everyone knows it's an awkward moment, then somebody says, AWWWKKKKWAAARRDD!

— Unkown

What's The Point Of Poking People On Facebook !? Is It Another Way Of Playing Tag Your It!

— Krystal

When getting divorced remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

— Nikhil Saluja

I party like rock star , look like a movie star , play like a all star , f*** like porn star...baby I'm Superstar!..

— Anonymous

Johnny asks grandpa: Do you still have sex with granny? Grandpa says: Yes, but only oral. Johnny asks: What is oral? Grandpa…

— Daniel Vargas

Do not cry for those who hurt you, this way you're making them successful, smile and be the winner.

— Nikhil Saluja

For April Fools Day, I think Facebook should switch the search box and the status update box around. So people would post…

— Stephanie

Dear Brain, can you please shut the fuck up so I can sleep?

— Nikhil Saluja

R.I.P LeBron James Ringless Jokes 2003-2012 But, Welcome Hairline Jokes 2003-FOREVER

— Kiana JWilson

Trust me, when I woke up today I had no plans to be awesome, but shit happens.

— Anonymous

I like my women like I like my weekend - short, filled with liquor and gone by Monday.

— Nishan Singh

Writing a tweet is not like impressing someone. Don't try too hard.

— Nikhil Saluja

I have a disorder where I stay up all night and eat ... Its called insom-nom-nom-nia

— Anonymous

Conversions -- 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

— Nikhil Saluja

Sex is like high school...you miss a period and you're in trouble.

— Anonymous

Dear Teacher. Please stop make us sleepy, we have no bed in class. Sincerely, students.

— OhItsVynn

Roses are red, Twitter is blue...you look bangable, so I'll follow you.

— Seth Rogan

Who needs the young and the restless, when we can watch drama on Facebook anytime?

— Arjun Loveable

If ya want people to remember you, borrow money from them.

— Anonymous

Money doesn't bring happiness, but shopping does

— Hussein Nishah

If you were a burger at McDonalds you would be called McSexy.

— Generose Relano

All the fish in the sea, and you choose to fall in love with a sea-lion?

— Martin Lawrence

Facebook is like a relationship: Faithful on your wall, but cheating in their inbox...

— Author Name

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you have boobs. It's really that simple.

— Anonymous

I'd get a lot more sleep if I didn't insist on reading the entire internet every night.

— Nikhil Saluja

I want a girlfriend with a big forehead , so she can headbutt all my Haters.

— Joel Taylor

Gay people: One man's junk is another man's treasure.

— Um

Are all of Taylor Swifts songs about the same guy, or is she just a whore?

— Anonymous

To the world you may be someone, but to someone you may be the world.

— Nikhil Saluja

Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: Yes I'm a Facebook whore.

— Anonymous

If you tickle my feet, I am NOT responsoble for your injuries.

— Anonymous