Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 27

The day Facebook adds a Who Cares? button will be the best day ever!

— Arjun Loveable

The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat

— Anonymous

Oh you got Swag? Don't forget to put that on your Burger King Application.

— Anonymous

Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry

— Hussein Nishah

I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday

— Hussein Nishah

I wonder if the clothes in China say, 'Made around the corner.'

— Avan Nathan

They say I have A.D.D. but I think they're full of...oh look a kitty!

— Nishan Singh

Admit it: You can't spell subtext without buttsex.

— Anonymous

Mom: YOU'RE GROUNDED. Me: Psh. Fine I don't care. Mom: Give me your phone then. Me: OMG IM SO SORRY MOM I…

— Itsme867

Never lend a book to someone who don't know how to read, never give your heart to someone that don't know how…

— Nikhil Saluja

When I drive if you beep your horn 1 second after the light changes green I will shut off my car, lay…

— Anonymous

Everyone has that make the other person sound incredibly stupid voice when describing an argument.

— Anonymous

Dear Dora, how in the hell did do you get that tiny shirt to fit over your big head...Sincerely, thats physically impossible!

— Lillaay

LOVE, A situation which happens when you think almost as much of another as you do of yourself;

— Nikhil Saluja

My parents told me 'You watch too much TV and should try reading more!' So I turned on the subtitles.

— Anonymous

Earlier I received a phone call from a PPI Telemarketer. So I told my 3 year old son that Santa Claus was…

— Anonymous

Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on

— Hussein Nishah

Omg its so true! Monkeys are the WORST drivers!

— Nikhil Saluja

Laziness is the definition of being very active & doing nothing.

— Punkinhead Abhishek

I'll be ready in 5 minutes is exactly the same as I'll be home in 5 minutes.

— Ewshy

Please don't wear skinny jeans, if you don't have any skinny genes.

— Seth Rogen

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you clean up... you can find some interesting things.

— Anonymous

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm much more upset about Breaking Bad's shutdown than about the government's.

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when you press CTRL + W and never knew what it did until then.

— Anonymous

Facebook… Half Social Network… Half Shoe Store! Didnt Know I Was At The Mall.

— J Create

You are born free,then you are taxed to death.

— Anonymous

The Monistat people should use Tony Orlando's song Candida for their commercials.

— Laura S

Home alone; Thoughts = Party!!!! WOOOHOOOOO!!! Reality = Peeing with door open...

— Anonymous

Men are like buses. One comes every 15 minutes

— Hussein Nishah

I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT

— Hussein Nishah

My friends status said, standing on the edge of a cliff :/¦so I poked him.

— Ryah

HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A species of worm which is afraid to turn;

— Nikhil Saluja

A small man can cast a large shadow, especially when a fat man is standing behind him.

— MJ McGuire

Me: Your face must turn a few heads. She: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not single. I'm in a long standing relationship with fun and freedom

— Hussein Nishah

Therapist: you should be in a mental institute Me: I'm already on Twitter

— Nikhil Saluja

Friend: Dude, that song is soo old. Me: So is your momm but you still listen to her.

— Pretty Ladii

Oh, you hate Mondays? You're so unique, you must be the only one!

— Tanya Bianco