Sorry the casting of Fifty Shades of Grey has caused you to completely revamp your masturbation fantasies. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I never said I hated you. I said if you were on fire I might consider roasting marshmallows. BIG DIFFERENCE!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
New condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's going to get your paychecks. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear parents, we know money doesnt grow on trees, thats why we are asking you for it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Slap a player, stomp a bitch; they both ain't nothing but some nasty tricks. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes you follow the rules, sometimes you break the rules, and sometimes, if you're lucky…you MAKE the rules!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The best thing about Facebook is writing a quote and putting a random name at the end, people will still believe it~Abraham… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I might not live forever...so love me while you can..kiss me like its my last breathe, and tell me goodbye like you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Linkedin invitations are like herpes...They pop up from time to time to remind you they still exist and nobody wants them. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Its funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. Its like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Life is like Facebook. People will like your problems & comment, but no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs — Anonymous Copy Share Image
RELATIONSHIP like Bonnie and Clyde ; SEX like Jody and Yvette ; ARGUE like Ike and Tina ; and MAKE UP like Martin and Gina. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving. Cop: Sir have you been drinking? Man: No. Cop: Papers. Man: Scissors, I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock this morning is the fact that its my cellphone. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Im so indie, she thinks to herself as she puts the lyrics to Skinny Love as her Facebook status. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Best of luck not getting murdered by the roommate you found on Craigslist. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Snooki is expecting her baby on December 21, 2012. I guess the Mayans knew what they were talking about... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I read something the other day that made me piss myself. It was a sign that said: 'Bathroom closed.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's a fine line between tan and looking liked you rolled around in Doritos. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My excuse for being lazy: I'm not the real slim shady, so why would I stand up? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No tears,no fears,respect it don't neglect it! I let my haters be my motivators! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If strippers can be called exotic dancers, then drug dealers should be called exotic pharmacist. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
'Are you as bored as I am?' Makes sense even when you read it backwards... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Liking ur own status on face book is like giving urself a high five in real life. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Your iPhone 5 will be the perfect device to play with while you're waiting in line for the iPhone 5S. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Boy; Wait! Don't step on it! Girl; Why? Boy; Coz when mommy does, she cries — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face! You (calmly): Its not in your face, its in my hand. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
