If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The grass is greener on the other side, because that's where the dog has been shitting. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as ugly chicks...instead, there's such thing as not enough beer!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
So I put your phone on 'Airplane Mode' and threw it up in the air...Worst Transformer ever. Just saying... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The most important in movie is having a bad character; Not the Hero and the Heroine — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If I gained a calorie for every time I thought of food, I'd be the size of a blue whale. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: 'Local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That uncomfortable moment when you're in the car and you look at the people in the car next to you. Then you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Old meaning of sorry. I wont do it again. New meaning of sorry. Damn I got caught, next time I need to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you, close my eyes, and count to 10..I suggest you either rephrase your attitude..or run… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A penis has a rough life. His hair always looks a mess, he stays next to an asshole, his family is nuts,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That moment when you're feeding a baby and you open up your mouth every time you give it a bite because you're… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We should watch a movie. And by 'watch a movie' I mean we should fuck each other senseless while a movie plays… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Periods are like going to bed on white sheets, then waking up on the flag of Japan. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you think you're having a bad day, just remember, somebody is going to have Snooki as a mom. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when someone farts in the elevator and looks at you to see if you notice :P — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My dog thinks I am patting his belly...little does he know I am playing the most epic drum solo of all time. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In a nerd wedding, instead of saying 'I do.' They say, 'I accept the terms and conditions.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not saying she's a slut but whenever she eats a banana in public, she puts one hand behind her head. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Is wondering exactly what the individual who discovered milk was initially doing with the cow.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If I have ever said anything to insult you, please let me know, I might wanna say it again! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Is she hot?- A guy's reply to any story that starts with This girl I know.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Im not saying you're a slut, I'm just saying you've put more balls in your mouth than hungry hungry hippo. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder if there will be a day where they were fucking sick of making calendars? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Money can't buy you happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a MERCEDES than on a BICYCLE. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
These animal crackers are bullshit, this elephant tastes exactly like the giraffe did. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
All our life our parents told us not to write on walls. Facebook teaches us differently. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only reason I'd ever move to L.A. is to get away from conversations about the weather changing. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not saying I am Batman, I am just saying that no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
