“I like the crunch sound of snow under my boots. Better than stepping on knuckles.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love smells like a flower in bloom. A flower that's sitting on a pile of steaming feces.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The months roll by like wheels on a wheelchair. Pretty soon it’ll be July. Feels like just last month it was May.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The most dangerous flower is one that grows on a grave. Everybody in its vicinity is dead. That’s why I hand-picked it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like movies that keep me guessing until the end. I always guess flowers, because no matter what type of movie, whether… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She loves me. She must, because she left flowers in the fridge from her date. She knows how I love flower salad.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My favorite flower is the tulip. I’m crazy like Holland about them. I’ll even pay as much as $1,637 for one.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Flower coffee—less caffeinated, more romantic. I wanted to be with her, but when I was, I felt like I’d rather wither.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think a funny picture would have a caption that read, “Believe in yourself,” with an accompanying image of a wilting flower.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Pete Rose’s last name is so sweet, he can’t be a cheater. But a cheat by any other name would smell just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am prophetic. I predicted it would snow tomorrow yesterday, and sure enough today it snowed. True, I’ve been saying it will… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The very thing keeping me alive is also killing me—love. No wonder the rose symbolizes both love and death. They should have… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me F*** you. Then Ill go back to that person and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s a shiny tin can of a day, bright but gray. Welcome to one of Florida’s two overcast days per year. A… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The sun is a flower, and it burns my goddamn nostrils like the scent of love, which I haven’t tasted since I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I won’t bring you a single rose to be romantic, but I will point out that our relationship itself is the rose,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If it’s been more than 24 hours, you call the cops and I’ll buy the flowers. I’ll meet you at church, first… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I network like a salmon in a bear costume. Why swim upstream when the honeybee has all the flowers? Is anything more… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is there anything more pathetic than a flower that doesn’t get enough sunlight and dies, because it couldn’t get out of bed… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
