“On a scale of 1-10, fish have them. Scales—fish have scales, and I have 10 of them. Fish—I have 10, and I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“They settled out of court. In related news, two fish fought over an aquarium, rather than in the aquarium.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If sharks really can smell blood, then I’d imagine they’re all salivating over my erection right now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He had a ten-gallon hat that hid a twenty-gallon fish tank inside his translucent forehead. He had fish for brains, as do… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I tried to make it out in the moment, while we were making out, but now I’ve got it. That odor was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wonder if Seal got his name because it looks like his face was mauled by a Great White shark?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m thinking about becoming a farmer and a fisherman—a hunter of swimming plants.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rate myself five stars, and those stars would all be fish. My review was of how well I walked on the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I had a choice between walking along a sidewalk with no rails and a thousand foot drop, or jumping in a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Online social networking allows a small fish in a small pond to become bigger than a big fish in a big pond—without… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s a traffic jam in the stream. I’d better go fish up a solution. Too bad I left my tackle box at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as bait for the vampire shark. Since nobody’s ever seen a vampire shark, let alone caught one,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“At the beginning of their return trip home, fishermen might label their fish with a simple fish line drawing. But once that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When all the birds and all the fish join forces, the politicians will be forced to chew on and swallow their own… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark's… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The water trapped in my window makes it like an aquarium—which makes me the fish.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I keep a fish in each pocket, and one in my left shoe, so I don’t drown in your love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Teach a man to fish, and he can provide for others. Teach a man selfishness, and he’ll only be interested in providing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wonder if the singer named Seal got his name by using his cheeks as chumming material for Great White sharks.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made an agreement with the fish. They’d give up their lives, if I’d eat every one that died for me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would wash my clothes in the aquarium, but there’s a shark in the tank, and a bloodstain on my shirt.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m not going to catch any fish in the forest using a steak knife as bait. Still, I’ve got to try.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I’m in the ocean, I swim alone, because I’m a shark-eating man. I’m also a man-eating man, though to be fair… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If God had wanted men to swim, he would have taught fish to fish. But fish don’t fish, and neither do I,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When certain people can’t figure out why a certain place produces a certain thing, they tend to say, “There must be something… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What if leaves changed shape as well as color? You can teach a man to fish, or you can introduce him to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m not blanketing the truth when I say: Give a man a brick, and he’ll fish for a day. But give a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sharks are so stupid. They swam right up to the boat, and they couldn’t even tell that I was chumming the water… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A fish called Gilbert. But I just call him Gil to save some breath, so I can spend more time underwater petting… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
