“The name’s David Davidson, and I am not my own son. I’m also not my own father, if you were wondering.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a great view of the sunset. At least until father went and changed the channel. Dammit, dad!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I couldn’t have pulled it off if you hadn’t have pulled out all those years ago. So thanks, dad.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My father says I have a knack for business. And he should know, because he’s been bankrupt several times.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I've been trying to start a garage band for over a decade now, but father won't move his car.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My father taught me the most important thing about wisdom—that I was going to have to acquire it from other people. So… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a substitute for my father. I hate to admit it, but I think a brick would… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My dad taught me everything I know about being a man, and most of what I know about being a woman. The… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d like to change my name, as my father isn’t worthy of having the same last name as me. I’m a rebel… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My two parents represent the single greatest influence on my life. And if my dad had been there for me, it would… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I feel like I’m living in my father’s shadow. But then he takes a few steps, or bends down to stretch… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I stand to inherit a lot from my father, including high cholesterol and diabetes. Oh, and maybe a few Beatles records. Actually,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I really relate to you,” I said to my dad. “I can tell we’re in the same boat, because I’m rowing.” When… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could have been used as a father figure in place of my dad when I was growing up, because a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Show me how to lactate, and I’ll be the best mother a father could be.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He’s got the curly Irish hair. You can’t eat him because he might be your father, and you’ll spoil your dinner.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Growing up, Renaldo and his father had a great relationship. At least until his father went and slept with someone else.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He doesn’t have sex with sheep—he sleeps with scapegoats. He is my father, and I haven’t seen him since before I was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“After a few years of not talking, I tried reaching out to my father, but by that time he was already a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He’s only two years younger, but that doesn’t mean I’m not old enough to be his father. I grew up fast. Ah,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My father is half man, half Zeus. That makes me one quarter fake God. But that's better than being one quarter nickel.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m thinking of changing my name to “Son of Manana.” Of course it isn’t accurate, because I’m the father of yesterday.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In life or death situations, my father has only been there once for me. So I'd like to tell him thanks for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m older now than my dad was when he was my age. Wait, that’s not right. That’s not my dad at all,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It is Father’s Day today. I should probably call all three of mine and say Hello, and thanks for possibly pumping my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My dad always used to tell me __________________. My dad never told me anything. He had nothing to say, and even less… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
