Bad Quote by Michelle Wolf

“Some comedy has turned into, 'Donald Trump's bad, isn't he?' That's a true statement. But where is your joke?”

Michelle Wolf

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You know how I know I'm white? I can cry myself out of a parking ticket.

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Taking a night off from comedy to go on a date with someone I'm probably not going to like anyway sounds like the worst…

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Honestly, I never really thought I'd be a comedian. But I did take an aptitude test in seventh grade - and this is 100…

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I'm a standard overachiever.

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I would love to be a dad. There are plenty of comedians who have kids. But they're dads. Being a dad is so different…

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Watching Rachel Maddow is like going to Target. You went in for milk, but you left with shampoo, candles, and the entire history of…

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I did so many open mics. I would write jokes on Twitter constantly, and then slowly, over time, open mics turned into shows. If…

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It's one thing to be funny in a tweet. It is another to be funny for an hour.

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The most useful information on CNN is when Anthony Bourdain tells me where to eat noodles.

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I got a third-degree ankle sprain practicing long jump. I never fully recovered. That was my first heartbreak. I thought track was going to…

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That's why we should respect people: not for how pretty they are, for how useful they are. What would you rather have, a pretty…

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The thing that's frustrating about improv is that even if you have the best show in the world, it's over when it's over. You…

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Sometimes I'm in a bad mood, sometimes I'm in a good mood. It's like everyone else.

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Unfortunately, we all go through bad phases.

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I've said it before, good people are forced to do bad things.

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Everybody has bad days, but how you respond to it is a testament to whether you are a winner or a loser.

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Obviously I'm very grateful 'Bad Guy' is doing so well - it's shocking and surprising and gratifying - but I do think it's important…

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