"Its funny how certain objects convey a message……" — David Sedaris

"Its funny how certain objects convey a message -- my washer and dryer, for example. They can't speak, of course, but whenever I pass them they remind me that I'm doing fairly well. "No more laundromat for you," they hum. My stove, a downer, tells me every day that I can't cook, and before I can defend myself my scale jumps in, shouting from the bathroom, "Well, he must be doing something. My numbers are off the charts." The skeleton has a much more limited vocabulary and says only one thing: "You are going to die."

— David Sedaris

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221 Quotes by David Sedaris

David Sedaris has 221 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

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More Bathroom Quotes

This quote is filed under Bathroom Quotes, one of 452 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop. — Robert Benchley
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. — Candice Bergen
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog… — Erma Bombeck
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded… — Erma Bombeck
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. — George Carlin
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and… — Robert Carlyle
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. — Arthur C. Clarke
Lesbianism is so rampant in some of the schools in southeast Oklahoma that they'll only let one girl go to… — Tom Coburn
The knives in my apartment are only sharp enough to open envelopes with. Cutting a slice of coarse bread is… — Peter HÃ¸eg
They gave 12 monkeys a typewriter for a week, and after a week, they only used it as a bathroom. — Robin Ince
The umpire... is like the geyser in the bathroom; we cannot do without it, yet we notice it only when… — Neville Cardus
Hollywood is a coke town, but weed is so much better. And Molly, too; those are happy drugs - social… — Miley Cyrus

See all 452 Bathroom Quotes »