Communication Quote by david rakoff
““Sheila taught me a survival technique for getting through seemingly intolerable situations-boring lunches, stern lectures on attitude or time management, those necessary breakup conversations, and the like: maintaining eye contact, keep your face inscrutable and masklike, with your faintest hint at a Gioconda smile. Keep this up as long as you possibly can, and just as you feel you are about to crack and take a letter opener and plunge it into someone's neck, fold your hands in your lap, one nestled inside the other, like those of a supplicant in a priory. Now, with the index finger of your inner hand, write on the palm of the other, very discreetly and undetectably, "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you..." over and over again as you pretend to listen. You will find that this brings a spontaneous look of interest and pleased engagement to your countenance. Continue and repeat as necessary.””
About This Quote
Source Interview: The New Yorker, “The Art of Pretending to Listen”, 2012
A coping strategy for tolerating unbearable interactions by masking true feelings with a neutral, inscrutable demeanor and silently venting internally.
In simple terms: Pretend to listen while internally venting to survive tough situations.
Key Takeaway
Use a calm façade and private venting to stay composed.
Themes
coping
communication
emotional regulation
social survival
Mood
tense
strategic
reflective
Type
advice
psychological
practical
When to use this quote
- boring meetings
- stern lectures
- breakup conversations
- conflict resolution
- high‑stress negotiations
Key Concepts
psychology
self‑presentation
internal dialogue
Questions to Reflect On
- How does masking emotions affect long‑term relationships?
- When is it better to express feelings directly?
A Different Perspective
May reinforce disengagement and prevent genuine resolution of issues.
![“Sharing a room with the person you hate most is like sharing a room with a siren [...] You can't ignore that person, and you never get used to them. It never stops being painful.” quote by Rainbow Rowell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/3a7/rainbow-rowell-135_person-you-hate_sharing-a-room-with-the-person-you-hate_1807227.jpg)
