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- Mysteries simply are a feast for an active mind. And while in my lifetime I've seen science make extraordinary inroads into solving… — William Shatner
- I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people. — Larry David
- If you wear a toupee, why not let your friends try it on for a while? Come on, we're not going to… — Jack Handey
- Intolerance is the ''Do Not Touch'' sign on something that cannot bear touching. We do not mind having our hair ruffled, but… — Eric Hoffer
- Pretty Woman was the easiest job I've ever done. I just wore the right toupee. — Hector Elizondo
- If our legal counsel, Bob Rutherford, works for Satan, Satan should buy Bob a better toupee. — Christina Dodd
- Thomas Bowman's toupee, alas, was never found. He was somewhat mollified by the gift of a very fine hat from Westcliff on… — Lisa Kleypas
- Oh, I remember how beautiful you were. You didn't have any hair. You were such a bald little booger, I thought I… — Sherrilyn Kenyon
- A bad facelift is like a bad toupee. — Gloria Steinem
- This movie is a toupee made up to look like honest baldness. — Pauline Kael
- My first course came and I put down my book, and I just happened to put up my hand to scratch my… — Derek Jacobi
- I don't see how you can hate From outside the club you Can't even get in, Leggo Yellow model chick Yellow bottle… — Unknown Author