Masturbating Quotes

39 quotes by 27 authors

Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt! — Robin Williams
On her daughter's pet rabbit: I don't think he liked being in a cage and wouldn't stop masturbating and humping his bowl. — Kate Beckinsale
My friends keep telling me I'm doing it with Mary Palmer. That's not true - I'm too busy masturbating to meet anyone new. — Roddy Piper
Remember: People who live in glass houses can see you masturbating in their bushes. — Dan Johnson
I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating — Mike Tyson
Donâ€™t forget, God can see you masturbating. But donâ€™t stop. Heâ€™s almost there. — Sarah Silverman
What do you do when you see a man masturbating at a salad baran actual salad shooterbut wait, I'm single, we're both at the salad… — Alison Rosen
The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature. — Larry David
Remember what Anatole France said about the dog masturbating on your leg--'Sure, it's honest, but who needs it? — Richard Yates
Getting caught masturbating sucks. I got caught masturbating in jail 7 or 8 times, it really sucks. — Ricky Martin
A perverse nature can be stimulated by anything. Any book can be used as a pornographic instrument, even a great work of literature if the… — Anthony Burgess
A homeless man once told me that dancing to rap music is the cultural equivalent of masturbating, and I'd sort of fell the same way… — Chuck Klosterman
The worst part of writing fiction is the fear of wasting your life behind a keyboard. The idea that, dying, you'll realize you only lived… — Chuck Palahniuk
Star Wars is not entertainment. Star Wars is George Lucas masturbating to a picture of Joseph Campbell and conning billions of people into watching the… — John Scalzi
When it comes to masturbating, my hand can be one of the biggest jerks. — Nikhil Saluja
I hate when people walk in on me masturbating and look at me like I'm the asshole. — Nikhil Saluja
That Awkward Moment When A Nigga Gets Caught Masturbating By His BabyMama. He Doesn't Know What To Hide First, His Dick Or The Baby's Vaseline — Oupa
If I were ghost ,i would haunt people by knocking on their door as soon as they started masturbating. — @efiosiugbore
I just faced the ultimate rejection. I was masturbating and my hand fell asleep. — Green Monk
If I get caught masturbating, I don't have to explain myself. — Green Monk

Who Wrote These Masturbating Quotes

27 authors contributed a total of 39 Masturbating Quotes, led by these top contributors: