Best Hilarious Wisdom
489 Hilarious quotes by 372 unique authors
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Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.
— Benny Hill
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Mom and Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married. He was eighteen, she was sixteen and I was three.
— Billie Holiday
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A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
— Bob Hope
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I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.
— Bob Hope
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I know my life is full of awkward pauses, and I think it's hilarious.
— Josh Hutcherson
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If I can surround myself with hilarious people every day, I will always want to go to work.
— Rashida Jones
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Normal people with normal problems can be hilarious.
— Tommy Lee Jones
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It's hilarious a lot of times. You have a conversation with someone, and he's like, 'You speak so well!' I'm like, 'What do you mean?…
— Jay-Z
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God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
— Garrison Keillor
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I could party in a cardboard box with people who are funny and don't care. For me, it's really about who I surround myself with,…
— Kesha
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No ideas and the ability to express them - that's a journalist.
— Karl Kraus
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I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
— Charles Lamb
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At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are…
— Ann Landers
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Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
— Ann Landers
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Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
— Timothy Leary
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I love tiny, plastic realistic food magnets. I don't know why. They're hilarious.
— Amy Lee
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Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
— Sam Levenson
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I find Lady Gaga hilarious. And I kind of like her. My heart's warmed to her.
— John Lydon
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Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
— Groucho Marx
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My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.
— Walter Matthau
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The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
— Al McGuire
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I do not believe in using women in combat, because females are too fierce.
— Margaret Mead
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I think Chris Rock at the Oscars was a great example. I thought that was intellectually hilarious. The Gap starts a war with Banana Republic...…
— Christopher Meloni
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If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
— Bette Midler
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God gives us relatives; thank God, we can choose our friends.
— Addison Mizner
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Who Wrote These Hilarious Quotes
372 authors contributed a total of 489 Hilarious Quotes, led by these top contributors: