Best Funny Life Quotes
153 Funny Life quotes by 101 unique authors
-
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
— Woody Allen
-
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
— Woody Allen
-
So, if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected, let's start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!
— Russell Conwell
-
He has a heart of gold - only harder.
— Adolphe Menjou
-
The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
— Andy Borowitz
-
Life is a maze in which we take the wrong turning before we have learned to walk.
— Cyril Connolly
-
I didn't believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don't.
— Woody Allen
-
There's birth, there's death, and in between there's maintenance.
— Tom Robbins
-
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
— Fred Allen
-
Life isn't a cabaret. It's a dive bar.
— Woody Paige
-
God knows life sucks. It's right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and…
— Bill Maher
-
It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
— W.C. Fields
-
Life is a crowded superhighway with bewildering cloverleaf exits on which a man is liable to find himself speeding back in the direction he came.
— Peter De Vries
-
Adventure is nothing but a romantic name for trouble.
— Louis L'Amour
-
Life is a near-death experience.
— George Carlin
-
Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.
— Andy Borowitz
-
If life is just a highway, then the soul is just a car. And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they…
— Jim Steinman
-
Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
— Douglas Adams
-
An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.
— Herbert Samuel, 1st Viscount Samuel
-
I don't like driving very much. That makes me very unhappy, because I scream a lot in the car, but other than that, life is…
— Whoopi Goldberg
-
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
— George Carlin
-
Just remember that a pat on the back is only 18 inches from a kick in the behind.
— Rex Tillerson
-
For most men, life is a search for the proper Manila envelope in which to get themselves filed.
— Clifton Fadiman
-
Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries.
— Everett Dirksen
-
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
— Yogi Berra
More Ways to Read Funny Life Quotes
Who Wrote These Funny Life Quotes
101 authors contributed a total of 153 Funny Life Quotes, led by these top contributors: