Fun Quotes

6912 quotes by 4521 authors

According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the White House. — Jay Leno
Some folks believe that global warming doesn't exist and that the environment doesn't need any help. I tend not to listen to them. — Robert Wagner
A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar… — Robert Benchley
I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is. — Will Durst
OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets. — Ambrose Bierce
The magnificence of mountains, the serenity of nature-nothing is safe from the idiot marks of man's passing. — Bill Vaughan
A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island. — Johnny Carson
In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upward mobile. — Hunter S. Thompson
Whenever people say, 'We mustn't be sentimental,' you can take it they are about to do something cruel. And if they add, 'We must be… — Brigid Brophy
Television is a medium. It is neither rare nor well done. — Bill Moyers
Media, the plural of mediocrity. — Jimmy Breslin
He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument. — William Shakespeare
I cannot say that I don't disagree with you. — Groucho Marx
I think reincarnation is possible. Hopefully, we all get recycled. — Christina Ricci
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. — Doug Larson
Sometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. But then I remember how insignificant… — Ellen DeGeneres
You can only really learn from failure ... To win, you need to fail, and fail hard. — Aisha Tyler
Get out of your house and go see some live performance, for God's sake. There are people creating things just outside your window. — Maria Bamford
There are so many funny women in the world, and there has been for so many years, so I'll be happy when people can just… — Kristen Wiig
Not many people have had as much bad luck as I have, but not many people have had as much good luck, either. — Tig Notaro

Who Wrote These Fun Quotes

4,521 authors contributed a total of 6,912 Fun Quotes, led by these top contributors: