Motivation Quote by Cara McKenna

“I can’t stand people who constantly try to cut you down. Never again will I try networking at a lumberjack convention.”

— Jarod Kintz

“When a state trooper passes me on the highway, I grit my teeth, check my speed, and hope nobody put a dead guy in…

— Diana Joseph

“To think of how many times I have carted a lingering drunk out of my house in a wheelbarrow and leaned him up against…

— Wolfgang Hildesheimer

“So you’re telling me that intoxicated cowboy is my best hope of getting to Paint River Ranch tonight?” The bartender gave a sympathetic shrug.…

— Elizabeth Otto

“I tried explaining to Blackjack that taking a flying horse through the drive-thru would give every cop in the doughnut shop a heart attack,…

— Rick Riordan

“How do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree then realize it was your air-freshener.”

— Mike Miller

“Never in my life have I ever been so insulted; the cabman, who was a rough bully and to my thinking not sober, called…

— George Grossmith

“Then the cop said, “Now, you guys could just start over. At least you’re not going to jail tonight.”

— Russell Vann

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I…

— Steven Wright

“I towed the panel away like a redneck removing a tree stump.”

— Andy Weir

“Who knew burglars could be hot? Yes, officer, I did tackle him, but I had to. It had nothing to do with those perfectly…

— J.S. Scott

“You got pulled over on the Autobahn?”

— Shelly Laurenston