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Acts of kindness Quote by Bessel A. van der Kolk

“A few years ago I heard Jerome Kagan, a distinguished emeritus professor of child psychology at Harvard, say to the Dalai Lama that for every act of cruelty in this world there are hundreds of small acts of kindness and connection. His conclusion: "To be benevolent rather than malevolent is…” quote by Bessel A. van der Kolk
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““A few years ago I heard Jerome Kagan, a distinguished emeritus professor of child psychology at Harvard, say to the Dalai Lama that for every act of cruelty in this world there are hundreds of small acts of kindness and connection. His conclusion: "To be benevolent rather than malevolent is probably a true feature of our species." Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives. Numerous studies of disaster response around the globe have shown that social support is the most powerful protection against becoming overwhelmed by stress and trauma. Social support is not the same as merely being in the presence of others. The critical issue is reciprocity: being truly heard and seen by the people around us, feeling that we are held in someone else's mind and heart. For our physiology to calm down, heal, and grow we need a visceral feeling of safety. No doctor can write a prescription for friendship and love: These are complex and hard-earned capacities. You don't need a history of trauma to feel self-conscious and even panicked at a party with strangers - but trauma can turn the whole world into a gathering of aliens.””

Bessel A. van der Kolk

About This Quote

Source Book: The Body Keeps the Score, 2014

Highlights that reciprocal, safe social connections are essential for mental health and resilience, more than mere presence.

In simple terms: Safe, mutual relationships protect mental health.

Key Takeaway

Cultivate reciprocal, supportive bonds.

Themes

mental health social support reciprocity connection well‑being

Mood

empathetic hopeful

Type

reflective inspirational

When to use this quote

  • therapy groups
  • community building
  • peer support
  • mindfulness practices

Key Concepts

emotional safety human bonding psychological resilience

Questions to Reflect On

  • How can you foster deeper listening in your relationships?
  • What steps can you take to create safe spaces?
A Different Perspective

Reciprocity can be hard to achieve in strained environments.

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