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Death Quote by Barbara Gowdy

“Is that how he sees it? He knows how much his death will hurt us, so he must be under the impression that by staying alive he'll eventually hurt us even more. Maybe we should pretend we've stopped caring what he does. Say, "We've given up on you, Abel. You don't matter." Well, that would gratify…” quote by Barbara Gowdy
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““Is that how he sees it? He knows how much his death will hurt us, so he must be under the impression that by staying alive he'll eventually hurt us even more. Maybe we should pretend we've stopped caring what he does. Say, "We've given up on you, Abel. You don't matter." Well, that would gratify him, our failling in line with what he has been telling us for months. How do we get around that? How do we persuade him that he's entitled to cause pain and, what's more, that he has a responsibility to bear the pain that he causes? If only I could say, "You're worthy of your own life," and make him believe me. Too late. Too late. He seems completely enraptured now by the idea of no longer existing. I think he imagines the space he'll vacate, the actually physical space, and there we'll be, his parents and I, waving our hands around trying to find him, but at least we won't come up against any resistance. There won't be anything to collide with, only air.””

Barbara Gowdy

About This Quote

Source Novel: We Are All Completely Fine, 2018

A character struggles with guilt and the desire to convince a dying person they deserve life, confronting the futility of trying to change someone’s self‑destruction.

In simple terms: Trying to save someone who wants to die is painful and often impossible.

Key Takeaway

Accept limits, offer compassion without control.

Themes

guilt despair compassion

Mood

sad reflective

Type

literary philosophical

When to use this quote

  • family crisis
  • end‑of‑life care
  • mental health support
  • grief counseling

Key Concepts

existentialism psychology ethics

Questions to Reflect On

  • Can we love without trying to fix?
  • What does responsibility mean for another’s pain?
A Different Perspective

Attempts to persuade may deepen the person’s resolve to die.

3.1 out of 5 (7 ratings)

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