“Oh, sweetie, you are a jackass. I love you, but you are dumber than a one legged duck in an ass kicking… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“If I keep sampling the goods like this my ass is going to grow another cheek to make room for all the… — Tara Sivec Humor Copy Share Image
“He was so pretty I wanted to frame him and put him on my nightstand in a totally non-creepy, non-Hannibal Lector skin-suit-wearing… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“Um, tequila please?” I asked questioningly, enunciating each word as best as my drunken mouth would allow. So really, it came out… — Tara Sivec Tequila Copy Share Image
“I quickly tried to do the math but my brain was a jumbled mess and I couldn’t remember what number comes after… — Tara Sivec Mathematics Copy Share Image
“I feel like I’m in The Crying Game right now,” Dad mutters with a sad shake of his head.” — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“Sometimes you have to learn to love the little mo stars for something other than a tax deductions they provide you" ~Claire… — Tara Sivec Education Copy Share Image
“Water? At a wedding? I don’t understand,” he asks in confusion. “Did you invite Jesus? That’s the only way that will be… — Tara Sivec Confusion Copy Share Image
“Climbing into bed, I slide my hands behind my head and stare up at the ceiling. I have no idea who my… — Tara Sivec Anal Copy Share Image
“Getting a group of rowdy, blue-collar workers together in one room and putting in a tape that shows a guy in a… — Tara Sivec Anarchy Copy Share Image
“Liz asked me the other day what I thought about twice baked potatoes. How the fuck should I know? Was I supposed… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“I want to reach in my pants, pull out my virginity, wrap it up and put a bow on it. Or maybe… — Tara Sivec Humor Copy Share Image
“I should just open the car door and throw her out of the moving vehicle for what she did to me tonight,… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“Really? Because I recall you asking the Elvis impersonator at your Vegas wedding if he could add a line to Jenny’s… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“You don’t have to try and pick up all the pieces at once, sometimes you only need to use a few of… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“Could you stand still please?' Sylvia says in an irritated voice. If she had sweaty balls and an almost-boner she wouldn't be… — Tara Sivec Humor Copy Share Image
“Oh fuck, he was right there. I was wet as hell and he could probably smell me now. I should have eaten… — Tara Sivec Erotic-romance Copy Share Image
“Even though I was drunk as a skunk at the time, I still remembered what happened after that. Less than two seconds… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“Oh shit, I wouldn’t use that towel if I were you,” Gavin mumbles. I ignore him scrubbing every inch of my face,… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“I was sleeping. What the hell did you wake me up for?” He complains. “You kicked me and made horse noise.” He… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“Right when my fingers started to slip inside my underwear, I opened my eyes and screamed. "HOLY SHIT!" … — Tara Sivec Creepy Copy Share Image
“I can’t leave you alone and I can’t move on because you’re everything to me. You always have been and you always… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“What are you smiling about? Do you have gas?" Drew joked. "Hey, Mommy, Carter has a HUGE wiener," Gavin said around a… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“I lay there wrapped in Carter’s arms and it was the most comfortable I had ever been. For about five minutes. This… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“My father had bought him a shirt that said “Sure you can date my daughter. In a completely unrelated topic, have you… — Tara Sivec Children Copy Share Image
“Uncle Drew is completely inappropriate and one hundred percent of the time, and Aunt Jenny is a few fries short of a… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“I roofied you because I wanted you naked … and afraid, " Tyler says again in a sinister voice” — Tara Sivec Funny Copy Share Image
“Aaarrggg, ahoy me matey, thars a great grand vagina over yonder." Penises talk like pirates when I'm drunk.” — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“Seriously? There was a condom brand called Rough Rider? Why not just go with F**k Her Hard and be done with it?” — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“I never should have left you. I’ll never stop loving you, even if you hate me for walking away.” — Tara Sivec Loving Copy Share Image
“I remember that night fondly. And by fondly, I mean with bitter resentment toward all things alcoholic and with a penis.” — Tara Sivec Fondly Copy Share Image
“I'm going to put corn and hot sauce on your wiener, and then I'll hit you in the face with it. Hit… — Tara Sivec Hot sauce Copy Share Image
“Claire was going to hate me. Our son was sucked into the pits of hell while I was watching General Hospital. God… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“You are everything to me, Finnley, everything. I have loved you since I was fifteen years old and I’m never going to… — Tara Sivec Fifteen years Copy Share Image
“Say it,” he whispers. “I missed out on this the first time. I want to hear you say it.” — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
