Sarah Silverman Quotes

113 quotes in 1289 categories

• We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that…
• As soon as a women gets to an age where she has opinions and she's vital and she's strong, she's systematically shamed into hiding under…
• Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!
• If you quit being cunty, the whole world will stop being against you.
• That still feels like the most accurate description - I felt homesick, but I was home.
• Summer camp: the second worst camp for Jews.
• Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.
• I am diagnosed with not having enough insanely-addictive drugs coursing through my body.
• I was paralyzed with fear. It was unbearable to be among other kids who were just standing around being fine. It was one of the…
• Women don't ask to be raped, but there are some that are asking to be motorboated
• I will always try to be happy. I don’t think people really understand the value of happiness until they know what it’s like to be…
• When you’re a bed wetter there’s only one group of people you can feel better than, bed shitters, and unfortunately they’re hard to come by.
• I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.
• People say I'm a nice girl saying terrible things. I tend to say the opposite of what I think. You hope that the absolute power…
• Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who…
• When I was 9 or 10 years old, my dad took me over to a neighboring farm to help get stuff for the meal. The…
• I have no religion. But culturally I can't escape it; I'm very Jewish.
• I really think everything is fair game.
• And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal…
• Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.

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