I would like to open a restaurant, call it the Marilyn Monroe Café, and put hundreds of pictures of Jeff Goldblum on… — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers. — Nikhil Saluja Atheists Copy Share Image
KISSING, An action that only marriage can transform from a pleasure to a duty — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Cross-eyed girls are hard to sneak around on, their always keeping a fucking eye on you. — Nikhil Saluja Girls Copy Share Image
God gave women butt-holes for a reason, and that reason is for sex. Sorry ladies, they're Gods rules not mine. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I wish I followed certain people just so I could stop following them. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ants are the WORST. Unless I see one carrying something. Then they are GOD'S LITTLE MIRACLES!! — Nikhil Saluja Ants Copy Share Image
As a man, the biggest mistake you can make is to take yourself too seriously. — Nikhil Saluja Biggest mistake Copy Share Image
I've learned that no matter how much I care,some people are just assholes. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I were a complete jerk I guess I'd answer a question with a question too. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks... So now I have to sit down when I… — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
You are honorable... when you find your honor is to honor others. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Always masturbate, because there's homeless kids in Africa with no arms who can't. — Nikhil Saluja Homeless Copy Share Image
If your nose doesn't bleed after masturbating you fuckers are doing it wrong. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WIFE, Someone who is too beautiful for words -- but not for arguments; — Nikhil Saluja Beautiful Copy Share Image
I'm the asshole who parks the shopping cart right next to your car in the parking lot. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you aren't treating her right, don't be mad when someone else steps in and does your job. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Lesbians have to be called by their politically correct names...Vagitarians. — Nikhil Saluja Lesbians Copy Share Image
One day you are gonna retweet & star me like I retweet & star you, and just like you, I won't care. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Difficulties come into our lives when GOD is trying to, Teach Us, Lead Us, or Improve Us! — Nikhil Saluja Adversity Copy Share Image
If a girl calls me a pussy my penis will fuck her up, cause it's one hardcore mother fucker. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Its a little hard to choose one option, between sleeping and Internet..! — Nikhil Saluja Sleep Copy Share Image
Ladies: if your boyfriend doesn't fuck you with his Crocs on, you ain't shit. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Learned from my dentist that mouthwash is actually useless(you can't commit suicide with it) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Just scratched my butthole with the corner of the couch and now I know exactly how the dude felt when he invented… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
How to Piss Off A Woman : Imitate her having an orgasm while dining out. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My condolences on all the small talk you must endure because of your desk's proximity to the elevator. — Nikhil Saluja Condolences Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A man who always consults his better half instead of his better judgement; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ladies, Don't worry - if you haven't found the man of your dreams yet, there's always a vibrator. — Nikhil Saluja Dreams Copy Share Image
If you don't know the difference between 'than' and 'then', then you're a fucking idiot. — Nikhil Saluja Difference Copy Share Image
Are you fucking kidding me? - Professional photographers on Instagram — Nikhil Saluja Photographers Copy Share Image
All women are witches, but if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will probably spare you from black… — Nikhil Saluja Black magic Copy Share Image
I'm am an expert at reading lips especially when it's not moving. — Nikhil Saluja Lips Copy Share Image
Farting in the taxi makes the driver get you to your destination the fastest. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I star you, you star me, we're a happy family! -This is what I'm usually singing while starring your tweets, guys. — Nikhil Saluja Family Copy Share Image
If I see a guy wearing skinny jeans, I automatically judge it was a gift from his boyfriend. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When your girlfriend says, you can tell me anything, she's really saying, I'm going to tell this to my next boyfriend. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I get drunk enough and lay on the floor, the world really does revolve around me. — Nikhil Saluja Drunk Copy Share Image
There's no place like home. Especially when we're talking about The best place to take a shit. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
