Michael McIntyre

I don't just like to use punchlines anymore, especially in arenas. They freak me out. There is nothing worse than 15,000 people…

— Michael McIntyre

I like jokes where people don't stop laughing.

— Michael McIntyre

I just find little things in life funny, it's why I giggle during my shows.

— Michael McIntyre

I like the stage lights to be bright so I can't see people because I will inevitably only see the ones who…

— Michael McIntyre

Normally you have news, weather and travel.....but not on snow day, on snow day news is weather is travel.

— Michael McIntyre

A responsive crowd is great - they help you see new things in your comedy.

— Michael McIntyre

I've been performing stand-up comedy for ten years, it's what I love and will always do.

— Michael McIntyre

The only critics who annoy me are the ones who come to my shows even when they're clearly not fans of my…

— Michael McIntyre

I don't understand people who write blogs and have children. You can't stop in the middle of bathtime and say: 'I'm just…

— Michael McIntyre

My life is spent in hotels, which tend to be quite disappointing if you're in them every night.

— Michael McIntyre

Sometimes I worry about things changing and people not liking me any more. As a comedian you do feel like you're walking…

— Michael McIntyre

I've got some Jewish ancestry and I don't like waste.

— Michael McIntyre

Making the 'Big Show' has been the most fun I've had on telly.

— Michael McIntyre

It would be nice if I had a faster metabolism, because I love food.

— Michael McIntyre

Success and arena shows are a great anti-depressant.

— Michael McIntyre

You have to be realistic. Not everyone is going to like you, so you have to focus on the ones who do.

— Michael McIntyre

I was in Starbucks and the person in front of me said: 'Can I have a tall, skinny, black Americano please?' I…

— Michael McIntyre

One of the positives of getting older is that you forget your age. Then you find out that you're younger than you…

— Michael McIntyre

Ruthlessness is not something that comes easily.

— Michael McIntyre

Coming up with your own opinion is hard. When I go to see a movie I don't really know if I enjoyed…

— Michael McIntyre

I'm not going to crack America.

— Michael McIntyre

I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring and I even had it engraved - with the price.

— Michael McIntyre

I have no ambitions to act, because I don't know how to.

— Michael McIntyre

I suppose I'm always a little bit on edge.

— Michael McIntyre

I've always felt so unconnected to other comedians.

— Michael McIntyre