Best Matt Groening Lines
- Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. Announce
- I'm presently incarcerated. Convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. Hah! "Attempted murder"? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize… Attempted
- Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy… Alone
- I plead alignment to the flakes of the untitled snakes of a merry cow and to the republicrats for which they scam: one nacho, underpants… Alignment
- Did you hear something?" "No." "Did I hear something?" "...I don't know... Funny
- I promise I'll do anything for you, especialy if it's easy. Homer Simpson Easy
- You toyed with my heart, like it was a toy heart. (Lisa Simpson) Heart
- This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!" Homer Simpson America
- You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on." Homer Simpson Blame
- I didn't lie, I was writing fiction with my mouth." Homer Simpson Fiction
- Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons." --Mr. Burns Burns
- Ned, have you considered any of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same." --Reverend Lovejoy All
- But we all had an agreement to let each other get away with everything! That's Capitalism! Agreement
- When will people learn? Democracy doesn't work!" (Homer Simpson) Democracy
- When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all. All
- But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder. Chose
- I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees Bacon
- I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Homer Simpson Homer
- America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts… All
- Never! Never, Marge. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure,… All
- One of the great things about the Internet is that you can read what everybody has to say about everything. It is fascinating to me,… Critiques
- Science fiction and comedy are generally a pretty bumpy mix. Bumpy
- Eat my shorts! Eat
- Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath. At night, the ice-weasels come. Across
- When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the… Authorities
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