Jeff Foxworthy is a legend. Every time I see his moustache it reminds me to wax my lip and every time I… — Lisa Lampanelli Ass Copy Share Image
I'm decorating my parents' house for Christmas... I hope they find my manger with a baby yeezus in it as funny as… — Lisa Lampanelli Baby Copy Share Image
Before, I didn't do celebrity stuff, 'cause Kathy Griffin did that, but now, if you're going to make jokes on Twitter, you… — Lisa Lampanelli Celebrity Copy Share Image
I don't sell myself. I've never explained my comedy to people who don't get it. Never complain. Never explain. — Lisa Lampanelli Comedy Copy Share Image
I'm always proud of what I've done and what I continue to do. — Lisa Lampanelli Always Copy Share Image
I've never wanted to be a person where somebody would be like, 'I like her; she's okay.' Love or hate is fine,… — Lisa Lampanelli Hate Copy Share Image
That's the whole thing: You only roast the ones you love. That's why I never make fun of the French. — Lisa Lampanelli Fun Copy Share Image
I honestly feel like 99 percent of people have some kind of self-hate about their looks, and if I can joke about… — Lisa Lampanelli Better Copy Share Image
Basically, I think some of the weight helped take some of the walls down in reality, so basically I got a little… — Lisa Lampanelli Fat Copy Share Image
William Shatner is living proof that if you are talented and nice, you can work in this industry forever. — Lisa Lampanelli Forever Copy Share Image
Donald is very happy with his lovely wife, insert name here. — Lisa Lampanelli Happy Copy Share Image
Make a list of the people in your 'choir'... If you're not on your own list, then you're doing something wrong. — Lisa Lampanelli Choir Copy Share Image
By Hollywood standards I'm still fat: until you are zero, you are big. I do get cold a lot now. I used… — Lisa Lampanelli Big Copy Share Image
I kind of knew inside that I wanted to try comedy, but it was a mystery. How do you start? So when… — Lisa Lampanelli Humor Copy Share Image
When doing comedy, I do what makes me laugh. The first person I learned from said I should talk about things I… — Lisa Lampanelli First person Copy Share Image
I looked around and couldn't believe no one has written a show about women and eating. It's the biggest issue women have. — Lisa Lampanelli About Copy Share Image
If Flavor Flav was any smaller and darker, Brad and Angelina would try to adopt him. — Lisa Lampanelli Brad Copy Share Image
In the end, censoring a comedian's jokes is on par with censoring 'Huckleberry Finn.' Now, I'm not comparing myself to Mark Twain… — Lisa Lampanelli Art Copy Share Image
I'm a take-no-prisoners type of comic, and I'm lucky because my fans get me and never have a problem with the politically… — Lisa Lampanelli Fans Copy Share Image
Mr. Trump, I really can't comment, because he was my boss on 'Celebrity Apprentice,' and I just don't think we should let… — Lisa Lampanelli Birth Copy Share Image
We usually let our husbands negotiate the house and the cars. But I never had a husband, so I was always buying… — Lisa Lampanelli Always Copy Share Image
I'm way too famous and rich to be on a dating app, but if I get very desperate by the time I'm… — Lisa Lampanelli Dating Copy Share Image
I order food like a normal human being. If I'm out to lunch, I'm going to order three courses like everybody else.… — Lisa Lampanelli Food Copy Share Image
I lasted seven years as a journalist, and I've been doing comedy for twenty years. — Lisa Lampanelli Comedy Copy Share Image
