William Shatner is living proof that if you are talented and nice, you can work in this industry forever. — Lisa Lampanelli Actor Copy Share Image
I've really been working on the emotional and internal issues that made me eat in the first place. It's been a real… — Lisa Lampanelli First Copy Share Image
I lasted seven years as a journalist, and I've been doing comedy for twenty years. — Lisa Lampanelli Comedy Copy Share Image
I don't sell myself. I've never explained my comedy to people who don't get it. Never complain. Never explain. — Lisa Lampanelli Comedy Copy Share Image
When I say I'm going gangster, I'm working really hard at something. — Lisa Lampanelli Gangster Copy Share Image
I'm not a political comic at all, so it would be weird if I just turned into a preachy, sort-of political commentator. — Lisa Lampanelli Comic Copy Share Image
When I decided to do 'The Celebrity Apprentice,' there was absolutely no question that I would play the game for GMHC. — Lisa Lampanelli Apprentice Copy Share Image
If Flavor Flav was any smaller and darker, Brad and Angelina would try to adopt him. — Lisa Lampanelli Brad Copy Share Image
A roast is really an honor. If they picked me to be roasted, I'd be the most flattered I'd be in my… — Lisa Lampanelli Heroes Copy Share Image
I honestly feel like 99 percent of people have some kind of self-hate about their looks, and if I can joke about… — Lisa Lampanelli Better Copy Share Image
Before, I didn't do celebrity stuff, 'cause Kathy Griffin did that, but now, if you're going to make jokes on Twitter, you… — Lisa Lampanelli Celebrity Copy Share Image
We usually let our husbands negotiate the house and the cars. But I never had a husband, so I was always buying… — Lisa Lampanelli Always Copy Share Image
I order food like a normal human being. If I'm out to lunch, I'm going to order three courses like everybody else.… — Lisa Lampanelli Food Copy Share Image
I say every slur on the planet - racial, homosexual, everything to do with every ethnic group on the planet - and… — Lisa Lampanelli Everything Copy Share Image
Until I got the weight off, there was something inside of me that said, 'You hate yourself.' You get too depressed over… — Lisa Lampanelli Depressed Copy Share Image
With Don Rickles and me, we're just telling the truth. We're not terrific people, and we're not gonna win the beauty contest.… — Lisa Lampanelli Average joe Copy Share Image
I didn't feel ready to leave home, because it went from no freedom to all freedom. And I was like, 'Oh, my… — Lisa Lampanelli Freedom Copy Share Image
People with HIV and AIDS are nothing to be afraid of. They are people just like every single one of us, and… — Lisa Lampanelli Afraid Copy Share Image
I keep getting asked out by really young, good looking boys and really ugly lesbians. So, even if I wanted to jump… — Lisa Lampanelli Boat Copy Share Image
I thought I had to work at someplace everybody's heard of. It was never, 'I'm interested in such and such. I want… — Lisa Lampanelli Job Copy Share Image
'Baywatch' sucks so bad. I didn't watch it the first time around; I'm sure not going to buy a DVD. But really,… — Lisa Lampanelli Acting Copy Share Image
I was 25 myself once. I also thought I knew everything. I also thought that I could give singers singing advice and… — Lisa Lampanelli Age Copy Share Image
I remember, after the Pamela Anderson roast, being told, 'You're sold out - you can add two more shows.' — Lisa Lampanelli Being Copy Share Image
A lot of comics just joke around, but it's just as important to get the truth out there. — Lisa Lampanelli Comedy Copy Share Image
I heard Cher say, 'I answer to two people: Myself and God.' I say, 'I only answer to me. I'm not sure… — Lisa Lampanelli God Copy Share Image
If they hate you, they hate you, but I've always been polarizing, and I love that. — Lisa Lampanelli Always Copy Share Image
I looked around and couldn't believe no one has written a show about women and eating. It's the biggest issue women have. — Lisa Lampanelli About Copy Share Image
I lost over 100 pounds, so I'm even angrier than ever. I don't stuff my feelings anymore with food. Skinny girls are funny. — Lisa Lampanelli Feelings Copy Share Image
I hate comics who look at comedy as therapy. But at least it gets things out of my system in a funny… — Lisa Lampanelli Comedy Copy Share Image
The dog lasted. The marriage didn't. So it shows which relationship was meant to be. — Lisa Lampanelli Dog Copy Share Image
I would make a few jabs at myself and go for the audience - they are still as flawed as ever. — Lisa Lampanelli Audience Copy Share Image
This thing happened where I noticed anytime I got together with four friends or more, the conversation goes to food. — Lisa Lampanelli Communication Copy Share Image
Shortly after college, I was working in New York City at 'Rolling Stone' magazine. — Lisa Lampanelli City Copy Share Image
Make a list of the people in your 'choir'... If you're not on your own list, then you're doing something wrong. — Lisa Lampanelli Choir Copy Share Image
That's the whole thing: You only roast the ones you love. That's why I never make fun of the French. — Lisa Lampanelli French Copy Share Image
I know Bea Arthur left the Pam Anderson roast really early, but it could have been because she was half dead; I… — Lisa Lampanelli Could Copy Share Image
I gained weight, and that started a 32-year struggle with weight and exercise and body image problems. — Lisa Lampanelli Body Copy Share Image
Insult comedy has been around forever. I can make fun of people, and they won't get mad at me. — Lisa Lampanelli Around Copy Share Image
Larry the Cable Guy has everything: sleeveless shirts, stupid catchphrases. He's Mr. T without the acting chops. — Lisa Lampanelli Acting Copy Share Image
I'm decorating my parents' house for Christmas... I hope they find my manger with a baby yeezus in it as funny as… — Lisa Lampanelli Baby Copy Share Image
