Best Kal Penn Quotes
- Since Romney supports my right to buy guns with unlimited clips, will he let me buy nuclear weapons too? I need em 2 hunt bin… Bin
- There's a dude walking down the street with a box strapped to all sides of his head. That's for protection against the aliens, right? Aliens
- In a cab. It's like a hundred degrees. Can't tell if that manly odor means I'm stinky or if it's the cabbie. Cab
- CNN annoyed me so I'm watching Dance Moms. Not the first time Tuesday night has ended up like this. Annoyed
- Lady crossing the street, not paying attention, almost got hit. Turns to husband & screams, 'Why didn't YOU watch where I was going?!' Almost Got
- Waiting for the 'call me maybe' video from the rover on Mars. Call
- WTF Why is there no sheep emoji? Emoji
- We should have a badass secret handshake. Badass
- I saw a fat Indian guy and it made me go to the gym. Fat
- Since celebs name-dropping themselves has gotten played, all rants should now begin with, 'Do NOT make me pull a Reese Witherspoon.' All
- It's so nice out I imagine this is when rich people go sailing and eat cheese and shit. Cheese
- Just spent a good 10 stubborn minutes trying to remember the correct spelling of 'rhythm' in an email. That first H, man. Correct
- You do one stoner movie trilogy & every time you need eye drops people look at you with amused suspicion... Amused
- Now that oral arguments in the gay marriage cases are over, it's time for the Supreme Court to move on to the anal & vaginal… Anal
- Man I wish Morgan Freeman would do my outgoing voicemail. Freeman