“I like two beautiful women on my arm- as human shields" ” — Josh Stern Beautiful women Copy Share Image
“the only drinking problem I've ever had, is figuring out why I'm still stuck in this salad spinner” — Josh Stern Drinking Copy Share Image
“If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator” — Josh Stern Absurd Copy Share Image
“Love is the canvas covering the furniture that you've become a part of” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
“There's a fine line between stuff, and if you stare at it long enough it'll drive you insane or to genius” — Josh Stern Absurd Copy Share Image
“To err is human, to accept full responsibility is to just run with it” — Josh Stern Absurd Copy Share Image
“I've always been a poor sport and a sore loser...any other behavior might encourage a repeat performance” — Josh Stern Behavior Copy Share Image
“My greatest fault is trying to stuff the baggage of an impossible situation into the trunk of an elegant solution” — Josh Stern Baggage Copy Share Image
“The primary difference between sex and death is, with death there is no dress code” — Josh Stern Death Copy Share Image
“Waiting for something to fall into your lap is a good way to get goosed” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
“It's not that I'm ahead of my time, it's more that the world is running late” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
“Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials…I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months” — Josh Stern Absurd Copy Share Image
“YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE TO WATER, BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM DRINK FROM THE TOILET" ” — Josh Stern Horse Copy Share Image
“Ever feel like dialing 911 is just simply not enough, and you really need to speak to someone on the Supreme Court...?” — Josh Stern Humor Copy Share Image
“The practice of doing more than necessary works best when packing lunch boxes” — Josh Stern Absurd Copy Share Image
“There's always someone we'd love to kill, the trick is to make it not look like an accident” — Josh Stern Absurd Copy Share Image
“Come Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub” — Josh Stern Absurd Copy Share Image
“I'm playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers, that's why I always lose” — Josh Stern Checkers Copy Share Image
“Don't you wish we all lived in black light… for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know… — Josh Stern Absurd Copy Share Image
“Not only will those ultra bright European sulphur diode high beams ' catch a deer in the headlights' they'll vaporize it too” — josh stern Copy Share Image
“Ever play 'mirror mirror on the wall' with two mirrors facing each other?” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
“As for Chicks with Daddy Issues: Do I really want to be with a Woman who wants to be my Father?” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
“Never love anybody who treats you like you're normal...they're just the psychiatric hospital staff” — Josh Stern Absurd Copy Share Image
“There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: the truly creative and the truly medicated” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
“I try not to take things lying down, especially rectal thermometers” — Josh Stern Absurd Copy Share Image
“The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard” — Josh Stern Absurd Copy Share Image
“An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet” — Josh Stern Absurd Copy Share Image
“I'm not saying I'm an Alcoholic, but I do have prescription shot glasses” — Josh Stern Alcoholic Copy Share Image
“I like gross generalizations...I also like disgusting specifics!” — Josh Stern Absurd Copy Share Image
“When you enter the Lions Den, it's best not to go empty-handed or you'll probably leave that way” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
“If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the rhetorical question” — Josh Stern Humor Copy Share Image
“I freely admit to enjoying the attentions Women lavish on me- Although it's usually when they're taking my order” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
“Y'know when your dog drags its butt across the carpet leaving a stain- It's not as easy as it looks..." ” — Josh Stern Animal Copy Share Image
“If my body is a Temple, then The Greeks and Romans ransacked it years ago” — josh stern Body is a temple Copy Share Image
“Everyone comes with baggage, make sure you get one that comes with a rack” — Josh Stern Baggage Copy Share Image
