“can’t digest food unless it has some E. coli in it for flavor. All this nutrition nonsense is horseshit.” — Johnny Shaw Food Copy Share Image
“Anything can be a curse if it ain't a choice. If it's all you know. If you do it because your father… — Johnny Shaw Choice Copy Share Image
“i ain't got the energy to argue. i'm an old man and i got to take a shit.” — Johnny Shaw Happy-camping Copy Share Image
“Real life doesn’t come beautifully wrapped with a bow on top. Most events usually look more like a three-year-old’s attempt to wrap… — Johnny Shaw Life Copy Share Image
“Even a desert hare will take a finger off the dumbass that tries to pet it. If the desert can make a… — Johnny Shaw Copy Share Image
“Back at the Date Palm, Bobby and I drank like we had received federal funding to study the impact of beer and… — Johnny Shaw Human body Copy Share Image
“They wore the uniform of the desert bro. Think frat boy who never went to college. Jersey Shore without the water. Farmer’s… — Johnny Shaw Mma Fighter Copy Share Image
“Sometimes you don’t win the war. You don’t even win any of the battles. All you have left to celebrate is the… — Johnny Shaw War Copy Share Image
“In the city people bitched when you asked them to help you move. Out here a neighbor would help you shovel shit… — Johnny Shaw Copy Share Image
“Should've known when I met her mama. The big, fat acorn didn't fall too far from the big, fat tree.” — Johnny Shaw Humor Copy Share Image
“In film theory, it’s called the Kuleshov Effect. A blank expression taking on whatever emotion the context implies.” — Johnny Shaw Copy Share Image
“Before anyone brands me cruel, remember that Ceja knocked out my tooth for corrupting a nonexistent sister. And while this wasn’t a… — Johnny Shaw Another man Copy Share Image
“I had always wanted to drive a police car. Been in plenty, but never behind the wheel. It was too good an… — Johnny Shaw Copy Share Image
“Girls that ate ribs, chewed tobacco, fought dirty, and had no idea what Pilates was. My kind of women.” — Johnny Shaw Copy Share Image
“An alcohol-free wedding reception is like masturbating for an hour without reaching orgasm. It’s fun at the beginning, but after a while… — Johnny Shaw Marriage Copy Share Image
“He went from a fun-loving loose cannon to a monkey with a machine gun. Sure, it’s cute, but eventually someone’s going to… — Johnny Shaw Computers Copy Share Image
“As the old saw says, you really do learn something new every time you get punched in the face.” — Johnny Shaw Learn Something New Copy Share Image
