John Oliver

When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.

— John Oliver

My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham,…

— John Oliver

You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when…

— John Oliver

I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.

— John Oliver

You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well. It was probably years before…

— John Oliver

Ads are baked into content like chocolate chips into a cookie. Except, it's actually more like raisins into a cookie because no…

— John Oliver

I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing.…

— John Oliver

The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not.

— John Oliver

We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound.

— John Oliver

A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.

— John Oliver

I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So…

— John Oliver

In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup,…

— John Oliver

I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show,' I was just trying to adopt the…

— John Oliver

People really have come for a dialogue when they go to a stand-up show in the U.K. They say, 'I understand that…

— John Oliver

People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it…

— John Oliver

Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord…

— John Oliver

Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.

— John Oliver

By any rational metric, I am boring.

— John Oliver

There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers.

— John Oliver

Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.

— John Oliver

Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.

— John Oliver

When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It…

— John Oliver

Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states…

— John Oliver

“Democracy is like a tamborine - not everyone can be trusted with it.”

— John Oliver

I think being an outsider in general always helps you in comedy. I think it helps to have an outsider's eye. And…

— John Oliver