Jeff Garlin

Forget 'full of myself,' I'm not remotely impressed with myself.

— Jeff Garlin

By the way, to perform in front of Don Rickles, it 's not nerve-wrecking. It 's enjoyable, i am enjoying Jeff Garlin.…

— Jeff Garlin

Why do I want to be challenged or have challenges? That's why I don't go climb mountains.

— Jeff Garlin

Parents have got to chill out. Let your kid eat dirt - they're gonna be fine!

— Jeff Garlin

The worst kind of idiot is the one who doesn't think they're an idiot.

— Jeff Garlin

First off, I don't do self-deprecation comedy based on being fat. I would always talk about it honestly. Secondly, I don't care…

— Jeff Garlin

I like independent movies, documentaries. There's not a lot of movies that are commercially made that I dig.

— Jeff Garlin

I'm from Chicago and it's a huge influence on me.

— Jeff Garlin

Acting's fine if the script's written by Paddy Chayefsky and Martin Scorsese directs it, but unless you have something like that, I…

— Jeff Garlin

When you see a bad romantic comedy, you see the script, the director, and the actors trying to create this warmth and…

— Jeff Garlin

I've avoided doing network shows because I don't think they're true to real families.

— Jeff Garlin

My kids have played soccer and baseball and basketball, and the parents who come to games are always saying and doing things…

— Jeff Garlin

For me, baseball is more comparable to chess than it is to hockey.

— Jeff Garlin

I don't care what I do - act, stand-up, write, direct - it doesn't matter as long as I'm being creative and…

— Jeff Garlin

If you're gonna be a maniac, pyro's not a good maniac.

— Jeff Garlin

Whenever I meet someone who's talented, I always want to write something for them!

— Jeff Garlin

I don't think I'm ever going to retire from stand-up, but what I have retired from is working the road every week.

— Jeff Garlin

There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them…

— Jeff Garlin

I have the bigger iPad, but the Mini is the best. It just seems perfect. The old one seems so big and…

— Jeff Garlin

I never analyze stuff with comedy because it's boring. It makes you stop being funny. Just be who you are and do…

— Jeff Garlin

Directing is really my favorite thing to do, but if I never directed again, I'd be okay if all the work I…

— Jeff Garlin

I have gone to many theaters where it is so unpleasant with the commercials before the movie, the volume, and the disrespect…

— Jeff Garlin

I'm a freak for great movies. I love movies.

— Jeff Garlin

I hate cellphones. They are not for good, they're for evil. They're for gossip.

— Jeff Garlin

I like raconteurs; I like conversation. I liked the 'Tonight Show' when it was 90 minutes, I like when people aren't plugging…

— Jeff Garlin