Fran Lebowitz Quotes

147 quotes in 1695 categories

• All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
• If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
• I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
• Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
• Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
• Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
• Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.
• In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
• If you're going to America, bring your own food.
• Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
• When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
• Polite conversation is rarely either.
• Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
• Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.
• The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
• You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they…
• Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
• Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
• Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
• Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.

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