Eric Cartman Quotes

31 quotes in 372 categories

• I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the…
• You so much as TOUCH kittys ass, and Ill put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants.
• How would you like to suck my balls?
• Its a mans obligation to stick his boneration in a womens separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.
• Yeah, I bought all that I could at this bank, and then I got the rest from this guy Ralph in an alley.
• Yeah, and the sweet thing is, the stupid asshole didnt even charge me money for it. He just made me close my eyes and suck…
• Ive learned something, too: selling out is sweet because when you sell out, you get to make a lot of money, and when you have…
• When you are tying to have intercourse with a special lady friend and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind.
• MomKitty is being a dildo.
• Why is it that everything today has to do with things either going in or coming out of my ass?
• Handle it? For two billion dollars I could handle my Grandpas balls dude.
• Butters will give hand jobs in the corner for a dollar. Butters: Sure! Im good at all kinds of jobs.
• Respect My Authority!
• The poor kid passes it to the Jew, the Jew shoots. He misses! Proving once and for all that Jews cannot play hockey!
• A bunch of fat old skanks on their periods
• No, they dont, you jealous weakling. Passing Man: God damn, thats a big fat ass.
• If some girl tried to kick my ass, Id be like, Hey. Why dont you stop dressing me like a mailman uh, and making me…
• Im just saying youre just a little wuss, thats all.
• Well, Ive been lickin this carpet for 3 whole hours and I dont feel like a lesbian.
• Well, I looked in my moms closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas, an UltraVibe Pleasure 2000.

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