Christian Lander

“White people are drawn to farmer’s markets like moths to a flame. In fact, white people have such strong instincts that if…

— Christian Lander

“The process of reading is somehow heightened through the process of doing it near water. Extreme reading!”

— Christian Lander

“This is because white people need to show off the books that they have read. Just as hunters will mount the heads…

— Christian Lander

“For white people, nothing makes them appreciate the gift of life more than voluntarily trying to end it.”

— Christian Lander

“Right now, all white people are either wearing or coveting a pair of Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. These sunglasses are so popular now…

— Christian Lander

“You don't have to be white to be white, you just have to be rich.”

— Christian Lander

“It is the dream of every white person to be able to resolve all conflicts by complaining to unrelated parties. Because of…

— Christian Lander

“When it comes to the subject it's best to understand that white people do not recognize public transit as a viable option…

— Christian Lander

“All white people are born with a singular mission in life in order to pass from regular whitehood into ultra-whitehood. Just as…

— Christian Lander

“Just as hunters will mount the heads of the kills, white people need to let people know that they have made their…

— Christian Lander

“When white people envision their perfect home, it always has hardwood floors. In fact, most white people would prefer a dirt floor…

— Christian Lander

“If you are able to introduce a white person to a new cheese, it's like introducing them to a future spouse.”

— Christian Lander

“White people love rock climbing almost more than they love camping. This is because the activity affords them the opportunity to be…

— Christian Lander

“The first stage of camping always involves a trip to an outdoor equipment store like REI. These stores are well known for…

— Christian Lander

“If you look into the footnotes of the business model for Apple Computer you'll see that they actually give the computers away…

— Christian Lander