Do me a favor, guys. Don't drink so much that you become the guy that goes into the bathroom and moans while… — Christian Finnegan Bathroom Copy Share Image
Growing up as a comedian, the first thing you dream of is having your own album, but even more than that, I… — Christian Finnegan Comedian Copy Share Image
What is the point of a car alarm if it doesn't get people out of their beds to come help you? So… — Christian Finnegan Alarms Copy Share Image
My abject hatred of actors and the acting world. I went to college as an actor, and halfway through, I switched to… — Christian Finnegan Acting Copy Share Image
I'm working on something a little different. It's a technique I call, 'tantric abstinence.' Now, the way this works is I meet… — Christian Finnegan Abstinence Copy Share Image
If the right opportunity came along, maybe, but I'm more focused on trying to create a TV show where I can be… — Christian Finnegan Focused Copy Share Image
You know what I'm great at? Trivial Pursuit. What good is that gonna do you in life? It has the word 'trivial'… — Christian Finnegan Games Copy Share Image
Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges. — Christian Finnegan Charity Copy Share Image
You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context. — Christian Finnegan Horrible Copy Share Image
Some of you guys must have real jobs - office jobs. Anybody? By a show of broken spirits. — Christian Finnegan Broken Copy Share Image
The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue… — Christian Finnegan Appearance Copy Share Image
What people really want is not to make something funny, but to make something amusing - which, in many ways, is the… — Christian Finnegan Amusement Copy Share Image
I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a… — Christian Finnegan Band Copy Share Image
People might say, What's so great about the Arctic Monkeys? I've never even seen them. Well, you've never seen God either. You're… — Christian Finnegan Arctic Copy Share Image
America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period. — Christian Finnegan America Copy Share Image
I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are. — Christian Finnegan Boring Copy Share Image
I'd like to think I'm a little more memorable or specific now. People laugh at me in a way they wouldn't laugh… — Christian Finnegan Comedian Copy Share Image
If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al… — Christian Finnegan Als Copy Share Image
