The thing is, I hate political comedy. I personally loathe it. — Christian Finnegan Comedy Copy Share Image
I think I speak for America when I say, nothing says NASCAR like Whoopi Goldberg. — Christian Finnegan America Copy Share Image
America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period. — Christian Finnegan America Copy Share Image
You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context. — Christian Finnegan Horrible Copy Share Image
Growing up as a comedian, the first thing you dream of is having your own album, but even more than that, I… — Christian Finnegan Comedian Copy Share Image
If you purchased the latest Joss Stone CD, what you're saying is that you're an employee of VH1. — Christian Finnegan Cds Copy Share Image
Relationships are a lot like yard sales. They look really fun from a couple hundred feet away, but eventually you realize it's… — Christian Finnegan Bunch Copy Share Image
Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer. — Christian Finnegan Actor Copy Share Image
I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything. — Christian Finnegan Depend Copy Share Image
The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word… — Christian Finnegan Facts Copy Share Image
I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are. — Christian Finnegan Boring Copy Share Image
Some of you guys must have real jobs - office jobs. Anybody? By a show of broken spirits. — Christian Finnegan Broken Copy Share Image
There are two kinds of intelligence in this world. People who are Monopoly smart and people who are Trivial Pursuit smart... If… — Christian Finnegan Guy Copy Share Image
I really respect peple who try. People who say, No, I'm actually going to do the best I can. That said, you… — Christian Finnegan Do the best Copy Share Image
I hope that if I ever disappear, people don't look for me based on the last websites I visited. Kind of an… — Christian Finnegan Abducted Copy Share Image
If the right opportunity came along, maybe, but I'm more focused on trying to create a TV show where I can be… — Christian Finnegan Focused Copy Share Image
I joined a gym recently. I don't have the best history in the world of sticking with my fitness regimens, but I… — Christian Finnegan Best history Copy Share Image
You know what I'm great at? Trivial Pursuit. What good is that gonna do you in life? It has the word 'trivial'… — Christian Finnegan Games Copy Share Image
It's my genius plan of avoiding any career momentum whatsoever. Definitely the pop-culture thing is something I've avoided in my act. It's… — Christian Finnegan Avoiding Copy Share Image
If I could go back and talk to the me who was just starting to do comedy, I would have told myself… — Christian Finnegan Comedy Copy Share Image
I've always prided myself on being able to perform in the "alt-comedy" zone, but also being able to do comedy for people… — Christian Finnegan Comedy Copy Share Image
Do you guys remember that woman who disappeared a few years ago, Chandra Levy? Do you remember her? I found this fascinating.… — Christian Finnegan Body Copy Share Image
What people really want is not to make something funny, but to make something amusing - which, in many ways, is the… — Christian Finnegan Amuse Copy Share Image
My abject hatred of actors and the acting world. I went to college as an actor, and halfway through, I switched to… — Christian Finnegan Acting Copy Share Image
I certainly do believe that a lot of comedy comes from awkwardness and embarrassment - pointing out the ways things are uncomfortable.… — Christian Finnegan Addict Copy Share Image
I had no choice but to make me as a comedian, because I am not particularly gifted with a lot of marketable… — Christian Finnegan Choices Copy Share Image
Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges. — Christian Finnegan Charity Copy Share Image
Pimp stands for Positive Intellectual Motivated Person. It has nothing to do with selling sex for money. — Christian Finnegan Intellectual Copy Share Image
There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on. — Christian Finnegan Blame Copy Share Image
The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue… — Christian Finnegan Appearance Copy Share Image
If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al… — Christian Finnegan Als Copy Share Image
Basically Britney Spears' video is like a three an a half minute version of Glitter. — Christian Finnegan Glitter Copy Share Image
Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful. — Christian Finnegan Diesel Copy Share Image
I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a… — Christian Finnegan Band Copy Share Image
People might say, What's so great about the Arctic Monkeys? I've never even seen them. Well, you've never seen God either. You're… — Christian Finnegan Arctic Copy Share Image
If you refuse to see Superman Returns this summer, what you're saying about yourself is: I heart Al Qaeda. — Christian Finnegan About yourself Copy Share Image
There's something so awesome about being able to get up in front of a microphone and do exactly what you want. Stand-up… — Christian Finnegan Comedy Copy Share Image
Of course, the world is different now. There's a glut of comedians with specials, so it's just not possible to make an… — Christian Finnegan Comedian Copy Share Image
