Aziz Ansari Quotes

60 quotes in 915 categories

• Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
• Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
• I know my fan base is a smart group of people.
• Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games,…
• So many gay jokes tonight about (James) Franco. Apparently if you're clean, well dressed and mildly cultured, you're super gay now. Is that why the…
• If you look up feminist in the dictionary, it just means someone who believes men and women have equal rights...
• Your favorite kind of cake can't be birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.
• The four sweetest words in the English language — 'You wore me down.'
• Come cook food with me and do nothing.
• A lot of people my age think stand up sucks.
• I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.
• I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat.
• I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but…
• One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; it's Shake Shack, the burger place. I miss Shake…
• When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour. I try to eat at all the weird places,…
• For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well have…
• Acting is a plum gig, and then animation is an even more plum gig.
• The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.
• Do you realize how much better the world would be if we all just treated each other the same way black dudes treat magicians?
• I have no interest in art. Let me clarify — I have no interest in non-nude images.

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