Arj Barker

I quit because I'm so tired of hearing bad news about cigarettes... Even if they discover good news, they don't publicize it…

— Arj Barker

I'm not even worried about settling down. I think it's way too early. I'm 25 and I'm in show business. I mean,…

— Arj Barker

Google is ridiculous. Everyone uses Google, and that's why Google has such an attitude. Because it's so popular, it's conceited. I mean,…

— Arj Barker

My general rule of thumb is, once something's a ride at Disneyland, I assume that it is no longer a threat in…

— Arj Barker

I was high on life but eventually I built up a tolerance.

— Arj Barker

I could've enjoyed a cigarette if I smoked back before everyone knew it was bad - say, like, 1923. Everybody smoked back…

— Arj Barker

There's no razor in candy. If for no other reason, it doesn't make financial sense. It's not fiscally prudent. How much does…

— Arj Barker

I fainted last night! Luckily I was going to bed at the time so I didn't get hurt.

— Arj Barker

I'm trying to feel terrified and alone. And regret every decision I've ever made, drenched in a cold sweat. It's called going…

— Arj Barker

I believe that if you go on a date and get to second base and then you go home alone and rub…

— Arj Barker

I was troubled by the presence of a shoe museum because it forced me to ask a very burning question: would my…

— Arj Barker

I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road…

— Arj Barker

Just open your heart man and accept that people are gay. Thousands, probably millions of people are gay. And until we find…

— Arj Barker

Home is wherever I am. People make too big a deal about where you live. I try to be grounded in myself.…

— Arj Barker

I was in a real conservative area just outside of Chicago recently. And this guy's like, 'Hey, Arj, you're from San Francisco.…

— Arj Barker

All I knew about Ireland before I went there was what I learned from watching soap commercials all my life. I was…

— Arj Barker

I hate all generalisations.

— Arj Barker

Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets - unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel. Then, it's pretty easy,…

— Arj Barker

You know the little camel on the pack of cigarettes? They just found out that's not even a camel. It's actually a…

— Arj Barker

There are so many types of shoes. There's so many categories, and I really have no idea what type of shoe I…

— Arj Barker

I love New York, though I'll never eat any of the ice creams that they sell in the park. That's just disgusting.…

— Arj Barker

It's too difficult to convey tone in electronic communication. And we can solve this my friends. All we need is some new…

— Arj Barker

Can you imagine if you had a pair of shoes that you could only walk in? That could be kind of limiting…

— Arj Barker

From an early age, I was trying to get laughs, but it wasn't a conscious thing. I think I was about six…

— Arj Barker

My friend and I were up to all sorts of shenanigans at school. But one time it ended up disrupting the whole…

— Arj Barker