All Ambrose Bierce Quotes
- INSURRECTION, n. An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government. Bad
- OUTCOME, n. A particular type of disappointment. By the kind of intelligence that sees in an exception a proof of the rule the wisdom of… Act
- If this is a crush, then I don't know if I could take the real thing if it happens. Crush
- Education: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. Discloses
- SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read… Addressed
- READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in dialect and… Body
- Laughter is an interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable. Accompanied
- ELEGY, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in the reader's mind… Advice
- NOSE, n. The extreme outpost of the face. From the circumstance that great conquerors have great noses, Getius, whose writings antedate the age of humor,… Affairs
- MINSTREL, adj. Formerly a poet, singer or musician; now a nigger with a color less than skin deep and a humor more than flesh and… Bear
- SATIRE, n. An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness. In this… Abundant
- PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes… Absently
- PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method (according to Mimbleshaw's classification) of obtaining money by false pretences. It consists in reading character in the wrinkles made by… According
- FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person --a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to lose… Actions
- MUMMY, n. An ancient Egyptian, formerly in universal use among modern civilized nations as medicine, and now engaged in supplying art with an excellent pigment.… Among
- HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation. So skilled the parson was in homiletics That… Adam
- INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime. The… Acceptably
- LORE, n. Learning --particularly that sort which is not derived from a regular course of instruction but comes of the reading of occult books, or… Ages
- FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens… Attest
- DEPUTY, n. A male relative of an office-holder, or of his bondsman. The deputy is commonly a beautiful young man, with a red necktie and… Accidentally
- OLD, adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an _old man_. Discredited by lapse of time and offensive… Approves
- SCRIPTURES, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based. All
- Advice is the smallest current coin. Advice
- RASH, adj. Insensible to the value of our advice. Advice
- TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally. Abstains