Alec Straub Quotes

21 quotes in 218 categories

• The dyslexic atheist says There is no dog!
• You know you're addicted to Call of Duty when you go to work, take your boss's suitcase, make beeping sounds, and then say Bomb defused!
• I aint a redneck 'cause I talk American real good!
• Stand up for yourself like a dog: first give a warning, and lash out only if you need to or if you feel threatened.
• Wow! These [soccer] balls are sticky! [That's what she said.]
• Band director: Tromboners, remember to be in the right position. Trumpeters, finger fast and blow hard.
• Yo mama's so fat I swerved to avoid her and ran out of gas!
• Yo mama's so stupid that she rubbed j!zz all over her face thinking it was Olay.
• If you get busted by a cop for growing weed in your house, just say 'I'm not selling that. It's for personal use.'
• Don't focus on distractions-SQUIRREL!!!
• If I say 'jump,' then you say 'how high.' If I say 'you suck,' then you say 'you swallow.' Don't ignore insults and let them…
• If you mess up, you learned something: don't do it again.
• Guys, if you keep a you-know-what in your wallet, it's only good for a month or two. So, out with the old, in with the…
• I'm too old to die!
• I'm not questioning; I'm just asking.
• Have you seen the guy who hides from gay people at Walmart?
• Only you can prevent forest fires - by choosing not to have fun. Yeah, I'm a pyro.
• It's funny when someone breaks an awkward silence by saying 'that was an awkward silence.'
• You know you're a redneck when your pickup breaks down and you fix it. On the front lawn.
• Time flies like an arrow, and fruit flies like a banana.

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