Alan King Quotes

43 quotes in 541 categories

• Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
• Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the…
• When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to…
• If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
• A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
• And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
• As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.
• Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
• Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
• I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
• I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
• I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
• I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
• I was a high school throw-out.
• I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.
• I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the…
• If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
• It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.
• Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
• Modesty is not one of my virtues.

Browse Alan King Quotes by Category