If opinions are like assholes, then a lot of opinions wear Ed Hardy shirts. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos? — Ron Alderson Copy Share Image
KISSING, An action that only marriage can transform from a pleasure to a duty — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I don't understand how girls could be so in love with a guy one week and the next not even talk to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The coffee is prepared in such a way that it makes those who drink it witty: at least there is not a… — Baron de Montesquieu Copy Share Image
Wit, like poetry, is insusceptible of being constructed upon rules founded merely in reason. Like faith, it exists independent of reason, and… — Christian Nestell Bovee Copy Share Image
The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism destroys wit, so women must choose between… — Florence King Copy Share Image
I praise God for you, sir: your reasons at dinner have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, audacious… — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
You can always win an argument with a lady during your last few minutes of your life by telling her that she's… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes you want to have a very productive Saturday to feel that you are in control of your life, which of course… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid… — Mae West Copy Share Image
One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty. — Jane Austen Copy Share Image
The Worst Pain In Life Is When Someone You Know Turns Into Someone You Knew.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've learned that no matter how much I care,some people are just assholes. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
He is forced to be literate about the illiterate, witty about the witless and coherent about the incoherent. — John Crosby Copy Share Image
The doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks... So now I have to sit down when I… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WIFE, Someone who is too beautiful for words -- but not for arguments; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. — Coleridge Copy Share Image
If you have something to say, please raise your hand and place it over your mouth — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live. — Mignon McLaughlin Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A man who always consults his better half instead of his better judgement; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ladies, Don't worry - if you haven't found the man of your dreams yet, there's always a vibrator. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Wit consists in knowing the resemblance of things that differ, and the difference of things that are alike. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Be pretty if you can, be witty if you must, but be gracious if it kills you. — Elsie de Wolfe Copy Share Image
Cashier: Are you buying these? Me: No, I'm going to steal them, I just wanted to show you first. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
