When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The only reason women need men around the house is because we haven't made a vibrator that can kill spiders. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, The process that turns a female from an attraction into a distraction; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whenever I see a Caution: slippery when wet sign I hide it somewhere, then I sit down & enjoy the show. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. — Jackie Collins Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, An event, for the upper middle class, is the only adventure left; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The middle class is doing fine in fiction. But it's not what gets me going. I love the working class, and everyone… — Martin Amis Copy Share Image
I'm sick of Heather Mills. Now that she's divorced, let her go marry the drummer from Def Leppard. They can rub their… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whatever has "wit enough to keep it sweet" defies corruption and outlasts all time; but the wit must be of that outward… — Agnes Repplier Copy Share Image
When your teacher threatens to move you and you're sitting ther like Bitch, moving me won't solve anything, I talk to EVERYONE! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I knew a witty physician who found theology in the biliary duct, and used to affirm that if there was a disease… — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
My senior year of high school, I was voted 'Wittiest.' So, several years later, I decided to try my hand at writing… — Barbara Park Copy Share Image
People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion. — Albert Einstein Copy Share Image
Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Me: Your face must turn a few heads. She: And your face must turn a few stomachs. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You are wise, witty and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of stuff. — Frank Crane Copy Share Image
Boys, Women are easy. Tell them they're pretty. Compliment some shit. Fuck them like you hate them. Easy. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A surprise party is a great way to show your wife how awesome you are at lying to her face. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Wit consists in knowing the resemblance of things that differ, and the difference of things that are alike. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Be pretty if you can, be witty if you must, but be gracious if it kills you. — Elsie de Wolfe Copy Share Image
Cashier: Are you buying these? Me: No, I'm going to steal them, I just wanted to show you first. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live. — Mignon McLaughlin Copy Share Image
Ladies, Don't worry - if you haven't found the man of your dreams yet, there's always a vibrator. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A man who always consults his better half instead of his better judgement; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A sneeze is like a little orgasm. Sometimes it helps to close your eyes and think about your twitter crush. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
The guy's life drunk, I think, makes Candide look like a sourpuss. Does he even know that death exists? — Jandy Nelson Copy Share Image
The character of false wit is that of appearing to depend only upon reason. — Luc de Clapiers Copy Share Image
Someone told me I should run for president. Dont you think that weve had enough boobs in the White House? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The real fact of the matter is that nobody reads ads. People read what interest them, and sometimes it's an ad. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine. — David Brenner Copy Share Image
