Witty Quotes · Page 36

I feel so miserable without you, its almost like having you here.

— Anonymous

I typed the word Google into Google. Guess what came up? Everything.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wit is the lightning of the mind, reason the sunshine, and reflection the moonlight.

— Marguerite Gardiner, Countess of Blessington

ProTip: Tell a girl she has nice lips and shell suck your dick right then and there.

— Nikhil Saluja

I feel like I'm a cockroach when I'm sleeping on my back trying to get up

— Nikhil Saluja

“Even if it's a witty, singing and dancing turd, it's still a turd.”

— Stephen King

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.

— Frederick Bushnell Ryder

To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it.

— Andre Maurois

LOVE, The most slippery word in the human language -- used by knaves to seduce, by fools for comfort, and by most…

— Nikhil Saluja

“I was going to write a sharp witty email full of devastating one-liners but I suspect you want something nicer than that”

— Lucy Robinson

Laughter not only makes the journey endurable and even enjoyable, it also helps keep us healthy… Be like a child: learn to…

— Joyce Meyer

“yes, i have dated Salvador Dali guy when i was a high school girl. he was a great lover. but i had…

— Hiroko Sakai

I've worked a lot with Noah Baumbach, and he doesn't make it easy to like his characters, but the stories are funny…

— Ciaran Hinds

Winning supporters over can only really be achieved by what you do, not what you say. It's no use just smiling and…

— Randy Lerner

I love helping people getting what they want. Today I overheard a girl saying I'd die for spicy mc burger so I…

— Nikhil Saluja

Surrealism in painting amounted to little more than the contents of a meagerly stocked dream world: a few witty fantasies, mostly wet…

— Susan Sontag

Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade.

— Noel Coward

Everyone striving to be witty and sought-after, everyone talking and no one listening...

— Lisa Kleypas

Music can be witty, but it's not funny unless it's conceptually funny.

— Alan Menken

There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

— Nikhil Saluja

They named it Twitter because Licking each other dirty asses was too long.

— Nikhil Saluja

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

— George Carlin

Why don't blind people sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs!

— Nikhil Saluja

Does anyone ever get that feeling in class when you just wanna scream out 'NOBODY GIVES A FUCK!'

— Anonymous

I am like a Rolls- Royce. I can run without an engine, purely on reputation

— Shahrukh Khan

Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook.

— Nikhil Saluja

Next to being witty yourself, the best thing is being able to quote another's wit.

— Christian Nevell Bovee

Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

— Suzanne Collins

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

— Ken Dodd

HUSBAND, SMART, A man who is never so busy bringing home the bacon that he forgets the applesauce;

— Nikhil Saluja

Of course I'm eating a ciggarete. The sign says no smoking.

— Nikhil Saluja

I only read biographies, metaphysics and psychology. I can dream up my own fiction.

— Mae West

Almost all serial killers are men. That's 'cause women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years.

— Nikhil Saluja

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

— Woody Allen

Every night when everyone's asleep, I grab my phone and I start reading all our old conversations.

— Nikhil Saluja

You know the acronym behind your name won't keep me from kicking your ass in the parking lot.

— Nikhil Saluja

Why do dogs love their daily walks? They get to check their p-mail!

— Nikhil Saluja

I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere.

— Mark Twain

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are politicians or celebrities.

— Nikhil Saluja

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

— Sacha Guitry