Witty facebook status Quotes · Page 4

Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face! You (calmly): Its not in your face, its in my hand.

— Anonymous

Hey people, it's pronounced BOTH, not BOFF. That will be all...

— Anonymous

If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.

— Green Monk

You wanna cry? Try using a tissue, it works much better than your Facebook status.

— Anonymous

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

— Becca

Facebook needs a Drama of the day section in my news feed.

— Anonymous

Sometimes I wish I was a bird. So I could fly over certain people and shit on their heads!

— Anonymous

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

— Nikhil Saluja

Do you want to make money from Facebook? It's easy. Just go to your Account Setting, Deactivate your account, and Go To…

— Anonymous

If a woman asks you a question, its better to tell her the truth , chances are shes asking you because she…

— Becca

Best Quote Ever : Between controlling others with your tears and controlling tears for others, we grew up...!!! :)

— Anonymous

You know what guys & parking spaces have in common? The good ones are always taken and the only ones left are handicaps.

— Nishan Panwar

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a…

— Anonymous

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to…

— Nikhil Saluja

The only thing u can do is continue 2 drop jewels (Knowledge), It's up to others 2 pick them up & wear them (Wisdom)~

— DeAngelo Stokes

Why do porn sites have a 'Share to Facebook' button? Who watches porn and thinks, 'You know who'd really enjoy this? My…

— Anonymous

All our life our parents told us not to write on walls. Facebook teaches us differently.

— Anonymous

Ill change my second name to Boss, then ill call my son Lyka, so his full name will be Lyka Boss.

— Simon Quperlier

To Friend Me or To Unfriend Me... I Am Still A Friend.

— Cv Pillay

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

— Anonymous

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard

— Ritu Ghatourey

I like most people as long as they're not behind a steering wheel or a keyboard.

— Anonymous

I woke at wrong side of facebook, today is going to be such a drag

— Hussein Nishah

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

— Anonymous

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?

— Anonymous

Not enough time in this World to worry Bout those WHO dislike you.

— Anonymous

There's always that one kid in PE class who thinks it's the fucking Olympics. Calm. The. Fuck. Down.

— Anonymous

Do not touch MY iPhone. It's not an usPhone, it's not a wePhone, it's not an ourPhone. It's an iPhone.

— Ritu Ghatourey

OH NICE, so you can update your status via mobile, but you cant text me back?

— Anonymous

Editors at fashion magazines, you're doing a great job. Women continue to hate their bodies...

— Anonymous

My mom thinks my friends have bad influences on me. Honestly I'm the one coming up with the ideas

— Avalon

1.Morning Routine: 1. Wake Up 2. Check phone for messages 3. Check Facebook for any notifications.

— Becca

They used to call me a silent killer back in school cause I used to make a lot of noise.

— Simon Quperlier

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.

— Anonymous

What does it show when your popular on facebook... Shows you have no life

— Anonymous

Dear Boys, Being a dick isnt going to make yours bigger. Just saying.

— Anonymous

If you ever try and fail, you need to erase all evidence that you tried.

— Anonymous

Turning into a Ninja when your phone rings in another room!

— Becca

Next time u're in front of the mirror try fixing something besides your face!

— DeAngelo Stokes

People that always write statuses and comment their happy their single, aren't.

— Livefree2dream44