Witty facebook status Quotes · Page 2

Sometimes things have 2 fall apart 2 come 2gether~

— DeAngelo Stokes

Me, fail english? UNPOSSIBLE!

— Anonymous

Facebook: the only book teens read these days.

— Azgraybebly Joslan

Hey Vegetarians, my food shits on your food.

— Anonymous

Life is hard, but it's harder if you're stupid.

— Anonymous

The hardest part of a business, is minding your own.

— Anonymous

Will somebody get North Korea a Snickers?

— Anonymous

Are you free tomorrow? No, Im fucking expensive.

— Anonymous

Forget the past cause you can't change it...and forget the present...cause I didn't get you one.

— Drake

Girls are like Google. They start guessing before you end the sentence.

— Blondie

We all have that one person we hate but constantly look at their facebook profile.

— Punkinhead Abhishek

Actually no, my status wasn't aimed at you, but hey, if the shoe fits, feel free to wear it.

— Anonymous

Don't let life get in the way of your dreams... go back to sleep!

— Anonymous

Your face is not a coloring book. Chill with the makeup!

— Anonymous

I come from a small town whose population never changed. Each time a woman got pregnant, someone left town.

— Ritu Ghatourey

If you don't pray in my school, I won't think in your church.

— Ritu Ghatourey

I hate weddings. Old people would poke me saying You're next. They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals…

— Hemantsmarty

The word swag is soo stupid. Swag is just a way for a man, to call another man sexy, and not feel…

— Anonymous

Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, theres nothing right; and on the right side,…

— Anonymous

Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

— Anonymous

Facebook is a place where humans communicate with each onther soooo wtf are you doing here this is not a Zoo!!

— Natasha Uys

Dear math , I liked you a whole lot more before you and the alphabet started hooking up Sincerely, All students.

— Xuan Ta

My alarm clock & I had a fight. It wanted me to get up, I refused. Things escalated. Now I'm awake &…

— Anonymous

I hate Halloween. Every year I get kids knocking my door dressed like skeletons asking me for food. I'm glad I don't…

— Anonymous

Some people wake & bake, while others wake & fake~

— DeAngelo Stokes

If you cant find the key to success, pick the lock.

— Harriet Morgan

I didnt say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

— Becca

I gave that bitch a plunger, 'cause bitches love bringing up old shit.

— Anonymous

I hate it when I don't forward chain messages and I die the next day.

— Anonymous

Dear Facebook, thanks for reminding me why moving away from my hometown was the best decision ever.

— Anonymous

After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF !!

— Anonymous

If someone says expect the unexpected slap them in the face and say 'I bet you didn't expect that!'

— Anonymous

God will never give us more than we can handle but most of us don't like handling what he has given us~

— DeAngelo Stokes

Am I on facebook because I'm bored, or am bored because I'm on facebook?

— Anonymous

Nothing is permanent !! And, You are nothing for me !!

— Irfan Khan

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

— Oscar Wilde

There was a time when I gave a shit, don't be confused, this ISN'T it!

— Young Siddiq Prince

Paranormal Activity 4: Because people are stupid enough to pay to watch the same movie a fourth time.

— Anonymous

Life is like mario bro's, ya have to slay a lot of dragons before ya meet ya princess.

— Anonymous

If Facebook Doesn't Make You Happy Then You're Probably 'Liking' And Following The Wrong People...

— Pacifiersucker