I was one of the first people to almost actually vomit over hearing the use of the phrase "family values" and I pride myself on never having fallen for the idea that Barbara Bush was sweet and grandmotherly. I met… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
When a woman extends her hand for you to shake it, then you shake her hand. You do not turn it up and kiss it. And it is just so creepy. Because, you know, I handed it at this angle.… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an ax-murderer. — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music,… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them. — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
I like to work on New Year's Eve. It has a nice spirit; a nice feel about it. If you are all about the… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
“Deep-rooted happiness may require a sense of purpose. If I don't feel that I am in some small way contributing to the greater good,… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
I did auditions at a club called the Comedy Connection. They wanted nothing to do with me. But one night they were doing a… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
I can make things, but I don't cook them, exactly. Like salmon, I can stick that in a pan. Or the other day I… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
I've always thought that if my death was imminent, I would read. When I can't focus on a book, I tend to keep reading… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay - away from it. — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
