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Types of people Quotes by David Wong

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“There are two types of people on planet Earth, Batman and Iron Man. Batman has a secret identity, right? So Bruce Wayne has to walk around every second of every day knowing that if somebody finds out his secret, his…

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“A realization washed over her in that cold, dark space: this was how virtually all living things born on earth have died—with teeth tearing…

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“Let’s say you have an ax. Just a cheap one, from Home Depot. On one bitter winter day, you use said ax to behead a man. Don’t worry, the man was already dead. Or maybe you should worry, because you’re the one who shot him. He had been a big, twitchy guy with veiny skin stretched over swollen biceps, a…

“John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’ penis would be larger than your penis.”… ..."Fuck all of you,”…

“John ducked casually across some DO NOT DUCK CASUALLY ACROSS THIS TAPE tape”

“He made the engine growl and told the headlights to fuck the night.”

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“Marconi said, "I see you have your instruments. Can any of you sing? The old spirituals work best." John said, "I can sing." I said, "No, you can't, John." "Well, I play the guitar." "So can I," said Big Jim. "We have two guitars." I said, "This could not be any stupider." John said, "Dave, you remember the words to…

“It’s the microscopic parasite that causes malaria. Nearly half of all human deaths in recorded history have been caused by this invisible assassin. One…

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At this point two elderly security guards in parkas, the guys who normally work the front desk at the plant, asked John to step behind the tape. John claims that here he told the guards that he could not speak English and when that failed to persuade them, he fa...ked a violent seizure. I am unclear as to the purpose…

“I stared at the price tags and thought, Why don’t you fucking kill yourself? I have that thought a lot, actually. Hey, did you know that people making less than $34,000 a year are 50 percent more likely to commit suicide? I looked it up. Did you know that number shoots up to 72 percent for the unemployed? I heard…

“Well, you’d better hope I am because the world was built by sociopaths, men willing to send a million innocent boys into battle to…

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There is no word in the English language for the feeling someone gets when they suddenly realize they're standing next to an unholy monster…

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“Around us, the disembodied human limbs were piling up, forming a circle around the fountain, fusing themselves to each other like Satan’s LEGO set.”

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